Who will look after my DS when I am in hospital having DD?

[Lucy955]

My mum is willing to help a bit but is not very fit and is at least 4 hours away. I'm also not sure she is up to it. She has just come out of hospital. I'm not a single mum but I thought you might be able to help. My husband will be away with the army during the later stages of the pregnancy. This must be a common problem. What do other people do? I don't have any friends or family locally. At the moment I think I am going to hire someone but this sounds expensive and how do you know who to trust?

Has he asked the army for any help?
Tjey must be used to dealing with this situation

Lucy955 - long time since I was a Forces wife, but is there a Families Officer that could give you advice? You could also post this in Forces Sweethearts section (I think that's what it's called?!).

Not much help other than that, but good luck Army wife - toughest job in the world!

Is your ds in a nursery (and has a favourite person)? Maybe you could ask someone working there to babysit for you? They are all dbs checked and will probably like the idea of earning extra money.

Why is an army wife toughest job in the world? That wasn't my experience of it!

Ask SSAFA? Welfare officer etc

But where is your DH family?

Depending on how much money you can afford, you could hire a nanny for a while?

Yes, I will talk to them but I am sure that they will just say hire a nanny. Looks like the only option. DHs mother died a number of years ago and his father still works full time (and I think would find it very difficult to help anyway. He's lovely but very old fashioned). Thanks all. What do people do that can't afford a nanny. Do they allow other children on maternity wards????

Lucy

He's not in a nursury yet as we have only just moved here but that is not a bad idea at all. Quite frankly if I'm going to have to hire a nanny I would rather do so now so he is very happy with them before things get exciting.
Thanks all.

By the way I'm not seriously considering taking my one year old with me onto the maternity wards I was just wondering what they do if people turn up in labor with a toddler in tow.

When I went into prem labour with DS2 and DH was abroad and we were hundreds of miles from family and friends, I had to get one of the nurses to call a girl who worked in DS1s nursery to pick him up from outside theatre (I had an emcs) for me and look after him for a couple of days.

She'd babysat for us previously several times. Luckily this was a Saturday night so she just moved in to our house till DH could get back.

Luckily you know in advance you need to get someone sorted, so hopefully it won't be too stressful! Good luck

If you turn up with a toddler, they'll have to cope. But it might be rather disorienting for DS and worrying for you as you won't know what the hospital social services might come up with.

Try your welfare officer, your padre (often surprisingly good at securing practical assistance) and SSAFA.

Are you on a patch? (guessing not)

Yes I'm on a patch. Why? Does this help? I will see what they can come up with. My husband said he will try to get me a number to call.

I was married to a soldier (detest the term army wife) and no, it's not the hardest job in the world. It's not even a 'job'. in many ways it was a far easier life. Why does everybody think they have it harder than anyone else?
Have you made no contacts locally? Are you living in quarters? I second speaking to your families officer. Don't worry, it'll all come out ok, I promise.

Sorry, hadnt seen your last post re the patch when I started replying, stopped for a bit before posting.

You're on a patch, is there no one who will help. Go and ask the welfare families officer they may be able to advise.

How far gone are you? I'm sure you'll make some friends before then.

I'm married to a solider, and I also hate the term army wife.

When I was pregnant with DS I became friendly with another mum who took her toddler with her when she had her baby, I don't think it's a massively uncommon thing she said the hospital were ok with it.
A few of the other women in the M&B group did offer to babysit but the mum was adamant she wanted her DC with her.
She just took a lot of toys and treats and her laptop with films and things download to keep him occupied.

I think the hospital staff will have someone come sit with him if necessary.

I wish people would stop the bitchy criticism of friendlymum67 comment. She came on to give helpful advice and I read it as supportive rather than AIBU.
Perhaps it comes across as patronising but I assumed it was something to do with having your husband away for long periods, the risk to their life and possibly their track record for going off with other women. Perhaps other army wives is what make it difficult.

Thanks all. I am due in November and I think most people round here have their own children to think about. Isn't it asking a lot? I only moved in last week. I have lived on other "patches" but I have always worked away and not really built those sort of relationships. Is that what people do? Sorry it's all a bit new to me. Two babies in two years is still a bit of a shock. I don't really know what a military wife is? The only others I know are vets, doctors or like me commute to London.

Sorry that sounds really prissy. Didn't mean to sound like such a prat. X

yes you will have to hire someone. as simple as that. but it is few months away - you might have established close connections by then. (so long as you would be prepared to return the favour at a later date)

start hiring now as a babysitter.

This was ages ago so things may have changed but I was in the same situation. The families officer put me in touch with another wife we got on well and she very kindly agreed to help in exchange for me helping her when she had her child