Scared to let DS sleep at his dads

[HeyBungalowBill]

Before I start I just want to tell you I have never stopped DS from having contact with his dad, I have always organised it myself! His dad has even lied to not come before

The problem is his dad has always come to my house to see DS as he has been happy to do so.
We split when DS was about 3 months because I found out he had cheated on me when pregnant, he also didn't want DS to even be born and has admitted he has never made any attempt to even come live with us when we were together (better job, learn to drive as we can't survive without where we live)

He isn't a bad dad but he isn't a good one either. He sits watching tv with him and that's pretty much it

We have both been very happy with the arrangement that he sees DS here and he has never said he wants it any other way.

He lives at home with his parents who are a 30 min drive away and his family have never travelled to see DS once in his life. After 5 months of not seeing DS they finally made the effort to come for the first time. Therefore I took DS to see them a while later and have seen they have done the spare room up for DS and their other grandson.

DS's dad said they are going to get a cot for him to sleep over and in terrified

DS stops at my parents when I work and I feel comfortable with that. But the thought of DS stopping at his dads (his parents house) scares me to death.

His dad doesn't wake when DS cries and his mum has serious mental health issues.

They haven't yet asked for DS to stop there but I'm waiting for it now and it seriously scares me.

I don't know what to do
I realise I can't stop it but I'm so upset about it. I'm not PFB about DS at all but there's just a bad feeling I get about him staying at their house

Has anyone got any advice to help me through this?

I think something else on top of that is the way the whole family parents the other grandson is completely against my parenting. Basically they do what suits them and not what is best for the little boy and that is something else that worries me too

I completely understand but in dealing with my own children's dad I have had to learn to deal with what is actually happening rather then what might happen. Otherwise I would be a crazy woman (well even crazier anyway)

The GPs might have felt that they must provide space for your son just because they have their other grandson to stay...doesn't mean that his dad is going to be asking you to do it.

If the question does get asked you don't have to say yes to overnight or any other contact that you feel is inappropriate. Your son's Dad or indeed the GPs could go to talk to ask for a child arrangements order, but this takes time and the court would not be stepping up to overnight care from the minimal contact you describe very quickly.

Do you feel able to say no to things you feel are not in your son's best interest? Or to work with him for a compromise/staged approach if that seems the best for your son?

HTH and good luck

to court....not to talk....

I am definitely a bit of a crazy woman when it comes to his dad and wanting to take him for days at a time. I think of all sorts of awful things that could happen! Which like you say is ridiculous because it causes me stress for no reason.

That is good that I could deny them overnight contact for now at least. Maybe I will feel different when he's older but he's 9 months. I think part of it is he's not old enough to tell me what happens, I feel nervous about him going to nursery when I start uni because of that reason also.

Do you think they would deny overnight access even though he sees his dad every week at my house?
I realise his gps have no chance after 5 months of no contact but I'm not sure about his dad?

I think I would be able to say no when it came to it, his dad doesn't even take him there to visit so it's a massive step up to suddenly hand my DS over for an overnight stay.

It's hard because I see DS as my child, I do absolutely everything for him so I find his dads relationship with him hard because he isn't an amazing dad and feels more like he just comes to watch DS for me it's not like he is a parent to him

Fool- how did things turn out with your DCs dad?

unless a court order you to comply with overnight access you can work out what is appropriate and do that.

After 3 year my DCs do have potential overnights with their dad but they are 12.11.9.7 years and in truth he does not do most of it anyway. The court worked up to it in small steps and have provided a get out clause for
he lder 2.

I still think this is not in their best interests, but it i0
s manageable.

I Think Some of this is anxiety about leaving your DS , this is normal even in the two parent one household situation.

I think if you are happy as things are wait for him to ask for more. The next step would be him taking child out and day visits there before overnight.

The problem with parenting is a more difficult one as you can't make anyone parent a certain way unless what they are doing is neglectful

unless court directs you, you could just say not until he is a bit older.

simples.

what is the worst that could happen if he does go stay overnight?

It annoys me that he is seen as an equal parent despite me doing all the parenting, and him just spending time with DS!
I put a roof over DS's head, manage the money, make his meals, wash his clothes, play with him and socialise him with the outside world.
His dad comes here and maybe plays a little but that's it!

I find it easy to leave DS with my parents and my grandparents when I have work as I completely trust them.
I find it difficult to think that I'd have to leave him with his dad and his dads family as there's a gut feeling it's wrong to do so.

I will just sit tight, try and forget until I am asked.

It feels as though they're scheming against me now they have regained contact as the room was done before they started seeing DS again and the grandson has never used it yet.
I thought I could trust his dad was happy seeing DS here and it feels like they've been talking behind my back to try win me round to letting them have DS despite not seeing him for 5 months.

I have a feeling it's for the benefit of his grandma who has mental health issues and for the benefit of DS's dad

I can't imagine anything bad would happen if he did stay. It's just I don't feel I trust them to take my son, I realise he is his dads son also but he isn't like a parent IYSWIM.
I realise he has rights and I'm not stopping contact I just really don't feel comfortable for them to take my DS when they went 5 months without seeing DS. It was over half of his life without seeing them then after 2 visits after that time suddenly there's a room ready for him to go stay over?!