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feel like total crap

1 reply

nefnaf · 04/06/2014 09:30

My nearly 4yo DS was trying to talk to me this morning when I received some particularly rude emails from his dad, and I snapped at him really unfairly. When I apologised (right after) I stupidly said I was only cross because daddy was being rude. He's really upset and the first thing he said to his childminder when I dropped him off was that his daddy is rude to his mummy and it makes mummy upset. I told him daddy and me are friends and he doesn't need to worry about it, but he obviously is worrying and it's my fault.

I feel like crap. It's the first and only time I've said anything negative about his dad to him, and I know that it was totally uncalled for. I hate upsetting him :( he is a really sensitive boy and will hold onto this for ages.

It's been over 2 years since we separated, but his dad is still controlling and arsey - I try so hard to hide it from the boys, and feel like crap for dumping it on him today. He's only 3 ffs. I hate seeing the damage parents do to their kids by slagging each other off, and thought I would never do that :(

OP posts:
bibliomania · 04/06/2014 12:52

Ah, sorry, nefnaf. Don't beat yourself up too badly - blurting something out isn't the same thing as a deliberate attempt to damage a child's relationship with the other parent. You're only human.

Can you counterbalance it by casually saying something nice about his father later on? I tell dd that she has beautiful eyes like her dad, and sometimes manage to dredge up a memory about something nice he and I once did before dd was born. I also tell her I'm so glad that he and I got together, because even if it didn't work out, the good thing is that we made her.

You don't want to overdo it so that the child gets an unrealistic idea about the other parent and why you can't all be a happy family, so never say anything that's not true. It's okay if you're damning your ex with faint praise ("He has nice....hair") - the child will just hear the praise.

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