Baby upset when coming back from my ex

[OneAprilDay]

Hello,

I just want some advice and reassurance about my ten month old son. I have been separated from my partner for a few months now. He sees the baby most days for a short visit, takes him for the day during the week if shifts allow and has recently started having him overnight normally on a Saturday. I was extremely anxious about this but it seems to be working out ok.

The one problem I have though is my son gets extremely upset when his dad drops him off. He cries and looks at me pleadingly as if to say 'I just want my dad'. This goes on as long as my ex is in the house, he is fine again and his normal self as soon as he goes. I think this must be some sort of anxiety, that he is upset to be leaving his dad and scared he won't see him again for a while. I feel terrible I am doing this to him and need to know if this is normal and if it will get better.

When my ex comes to see the baby at mine it is much less pronounced. He wants to go straight to him even if he was happily occupied with someone/something and may get upset when he is going but only for a moment.

He is fine after. And his normal self
He is only ten months he will get used to the routine.
He is just having a little protest at the transition maybe but the calmer you are and matter of fact the better ? Ask your ex to drop him off and go quickly.

Have you spoken to someone about your fears etc? You have nothing to feel,guilty about. Babyis spending time with.both parents that is great.

Just say to baby calmly bye daddy see you on xxxday. He will be fine, he really will.
He doesn't have the concept of Time yet, so you can distract him easily.

Thank you for the replies.

I have only spoke to my ex about it, and said I think he is insecure and unsure of when he will next see his dad. He said it's my fault for leaving. I think it makes him feel good in a way, that the baby wants him and isn't forgetting him.

The whole thing is so hard but I know staying wasn't doing the baby any good either.

My DD nearly 2 often does this when she sees my parents or if they have her. I see it as positive, and I think it shows the DC are secure about their relationship with us, as they know we will still be there and aren't scared of leaving us with someone trusted. That's especially good at your DSs age, DD had horrific devastating separation anxiety at that age.

Also, don't feel he loves you any less. I think mums are often unavoidably the boring one as we are often around the majority of the time, so anyone else seems more fun as they're a novelty

Don't let him guilt trip you! He would most likely react the same if you were still together and ex was off to work, DD often cries briefly when DP leaves.

He said it was your fault? What utter bollocks that is!

I think it's normal at this age, My DD is also 10 months and the other day we had a 30 minute crying session just because her dad had to go to work! He gave goodbye kisses and walked out the room and she was outraged and burst into tears he came back in and she was smiling and laughing! Then when he actually left, she was distraught and only milk would soothe the pain!

When I left for work a few hours later she was not bothered in the slightest I was a bit offended, but it's because her dad is the one she sees less of and he's much better at playing with her than me so I think she prefers him more!

definitely don't speak to your ex about it!

your baby is fine with you, is fine with him. there is nothing unusual about having a cry at transitions.
he is too young to understand anything other than immediate - what happens in next five minutes.

babies can easily adapt to routines of being with mum, with dad, with other carers. long term you want him to be happy with both right>? and also with nursery, grand parents, any other carers? babies will often fuss but five minutes later they fine.

but - you do need to have some confidence yourself and not get anxious.

speak to someone in rl, speak to your hv, get reassurance. are there any courses you can go on? groups for separated and divorced locally? some nhs counselling for you just to sound off?

I think he enjoys it, the baby crying after him I mean. He will leave then come back in so the baby stops crying. I can understand it, him wanting to feel like the baby wants to be with him, that he hasn't forgotten him. It makes it harder though, if he just goes it is over in no time.

My Ds was like this when he was at nursery right up until the point he started school. He has stopped crying when I was out of sight.

I would not let Ex over doorstep if it is causing problems

I also agree..Trying to make you feel guilty is not helpful at all

My DS (almost 2) does this often too. My ex then gets upset and feels awful for not being here all the time. I just distract DS and he cheers up, unless something else is also going on, i.e. he is tired or unwell.

I think it's a good sign if anything as it means he is enjoying spending time with his dad. It would be much worse if he spent the whole time away crying for me.