Cafcass & court

[rainbowshine1]

So today whilst my mum was looking after the kids, the oldest has ended up playing out and running off to his dad's! Brilliant.
Ex husband has actually recorded his saying I bully him! All this a week before we go to the first court hearing! All lies obviously. I've been accused of all sorts and I can handle that, but I certainly don't bully my kids. Now I have a child on my hands saying "dad said I can sleep tonight" without even asking me, I have no contact with the ex as every time I ring, he calls the police.
My question is, do caffcass and the court see through all the bullshit people say and accuse?
I knew this would happen. Oldest hasn't sun dad for 3 months so he's obviously gonna tell him what he wants to hear and do his best to please him. He's seen what his brothers got who lives with dad and now decided he wants to live there.

the court will go by what cafcass recommendations are, always.
cafcass people, on the other hand, are a bunch of incompetent social workers. They do not care about the well being of the child and do take sides. If they do not like you the report will be against you, and vice versa. Most of the time they do not even know what the report should be about. They only use the information they think will help the report go the way they want it to go. It is so wrong that this government agency has been given so much power to ''play'' with our kids lifes. Look up on they website under complains and you can see it for yourself.
Good luck and hope your experience will be better then mine.xxxx

Oh God! Ive been told by a friend whose just been through the whole court process just recently (last copuple of months) that CAFCASS might not even get involved? They had a social worker already involved (as we do) and so the judge just asked SS to continue to work with the famil, do a section 7 report? and go back to court in 12 weeks which they did, in that time they managed to reach an agreement which social services had suggested?

I ended up with a s7 report as well as a CAFCASS report. It's really fine - I don't think one is better than the other. Just cooperate with whoever is doing the report, show how you're doing your best for your dcs, and that's all you can do. Ime, both social workers saw through my ex's allegations against me very quickly. It's important to show to them that you're the parent who is calm and who is trying to put the child first, as opposed to trying to score points over the other parent.

A lot depends on the age of your ds. If he is seen as old enough to decide that he wants to stay with his dad, that might be the outcome. Past a certain age, it's not clear how social services or the court could force an adolescent to live with the parent they don't want to live with. If he's younger, they'll give less weight to what he says.

The social workers are very familiar with the phenomenon that children want to please the parent that they're less sure of. The fact that your ex was recording it makes it look very much as if it's manipulation on his part rather than something your ds came up with spontaneously.

Thank you! Problem is, I am a bit of a hot head where the ex is concerned and Im REALLY gonna have to learn to keep my cool in that court room, even the thought of his ugly toothless smarmy grin makes me wanna explode! They defo do see what hes doing, theyve told me. They are doing a report at the moment and shes told me to take it to court with me...I feel a bit like shes giving me the heads up. Son is 9, he wants the PS4 and the cute new puppy and all the spends his brother gets....says he hates me and my partner and my mum..... :(

Well 9 is too young for him to be allowed to choose, so that's positive.

It's good that the social workers understand. Bear in the mind that they don't want to be seen as taking one side or the other, so accept that you might disagree with bits of the report even if the overall conclusion is what you want. Eyes on the prize - you want your ds back, these are your allies, so focus on keeping them on your side. I don't mean that in a smarmy way - it just doesn't help if you think of them as the enemy.

I know what you mean about it being hard to stay cool in front of your ex. My incentive not to react is that I know that's what he wants. I do nothing at all, and immerse myself in fantasies about walloping him over his baldy head. Then I smile at him sweetly because it feels so goooood in my imagination. My fingers twitch, and he looks a little unnerved....

Thank you! Is 9 really no age? He's adamant he wants to go but won't give me reasons why? He's not deeply unhappy and we have fun. He just misses his dad. I wouldn't mind but I have emails from the ex saying he doesn't want to see them or "he's not my babysitter" The only reason I can think of is cause h misses hanging out with his brother, basically allowed to do what he wants!
I had a letter from Cafcass yesterday and it basically said because social services are involved they weren't going to be, it said they hadn't managed to speak with social services so the court might wish to request reports from them within 72 hrs.

9 is old enough to be listened to, but they will evaluate his reasons. It's not old enough for him to be the one to make the decision.

It's fine about CAFCASS not being involved if social services are. You won't be at any disadvantage.

Thanks. You've made me feel loads better.
Just had an email from toothless ex.. He's disgusted I'm will to let this go to court, proves I'm thinking of myself not the kids! How dare he! I want it to go to court so we all know what's what. I understand it's a lot for everyone to go through but in the long run it will all be worth it.....I'm sure he submitted the court papers and expected me to poop myself and cave in to his demands.

Well done! I obviously don't want to give you false hope - there are never any guarantees about what will happen in court. But courts/social workers aren't stupid, and they do understand when one party is trying to bully/manipulate and get their own way. If you go in calmly, with integrity, and genuinely putting the child first, that goes a long way.

(I'm in court myself at the end of this week, so hoping for the best myself!)

your son is making a pretty strong statement by running off to his dad - consider how that could be interpreted looking at it from his point of view...it would be good to get strict formal contact going for him so he knows exactly when he will be with dad; when he will be with mum.

ignore your ex's huffing and puffing.

what does child want?
how can that be met?

I know, he hasnt seen him for such a long time (Feb) Ive tried so hard to get dad to have contact but he refused, I offered Wed-Sat, Sat - Tues, alternate weekends but he refused all, he said it didnt suit him or he wasnt my babysitter. I feel ive been MORE than reasonable with him. He just wanted access when it suited, he'd turn up on a sunday morning at 8am and demand to take them regardless if we had plans etc... Eventually when he asked to see them at short notice I told him no, unless he had something drawn up via a solicitor I wasnt willing to talk about it with him.
He will say he wants to live there, I believe this is because he hasnt seen him, he wants to please him and he sees his brother has the PS4, get 30 a week spends, has the new puppy and has generally been promised the world!

Does anyone know what will happen if the ex doesn't show in court? He's taking me. I have a sneaky feeling he's not gonna show.