Need help dealing with the whole 'daddy' issue.

[McPhee]

Dds dad has basically ignored her presence for the last year. Tbh, she'd not even know who he was now. She's nearly two and has started to notice 'daddys' in books, and friends families etc. She's now calling grandad 'dad'.

The silly thing is, just hearing her say the word 'daddy' is upsetting me, because I can't ever see her having hers. I don't know how to deal with any of it, or what to say in response to her pointing them out.

Help

Unfortunately you just need to accept it. Be as honest as you can with her "daddy knows where we are of he wants to contact us"

My DS 4 hasn't seen his dad in 3 years and tbh he doesn't worry much

It might be good to get some books that feature single parents and other kinds of families too, just so she realises that not all families have a mum and a dad, and that its okay.

Hi, I feel your pain. My eldest daughter hasn't seen her dad for a while as I stopped him because all he does is send a text every couple of months so he doesn't have her beat interest at heart. She's slowly forgetting about him and also asks me if her grandad is her daddy or if he can be her daddy. I think they look to they're grandad as they're closest father figure so don't worry about it. I tell my daughter he's your grandad but he's like a daddy. It is hurtful but always be honest from the word go so she grows up knowing the truth to save her feelings in the long run! I'm sure your a great mum and she will think the world of you for all you have done alone xx

Hi OP, we're having the same here. DD wants to meet her daddy so much she assumes every man on the planet is him. It's really heart wrenching. She also wants a grandma and so not only is every man we talk to loudly and excitedly exclaimed as "DADDY!It's my DADDY!" but we also get "GRANDMA! It's my GRANDMA!" to anyone who is over 40 . I keep on hearing on here that it hurts us more than them, as all they are doing is trying to put a piece of the puzzle in place, they don't really have a concept of what they are missing. Not sure how much I believe that tbh as DD really loves playing with her friends dad's and you can see her eyes light up when they rough and tumble with her. I think it just hurts us more because we can see what they should have and feel we need to fill the void. Try not to get too down about it (easier said than done) and keep reiterating whatever sentence you think appropriate. I do "Daddy is very busy, he works in London so we can't see him." I used to say he loved her but really that won't help anything and there is nothing to show her it is true, so potentially more harmful I feel. Then I go on to say "but we're a good team aren't we! You have me and Grandad all to yourself, just the three of us!" It's still not stopped the random declarations but I am hoping it is a phase. At the moment all other single mum's I know have some contact for their DC's with the dad, so it isn't a similar situation. Good luck OP, fingers crossed for both of us!

Dd is too young to really 'ask', but just hearing her refer to a 'daddy' in her play or books is heart wrenching.

I doubt he will ever be bothered about her. He's too selfish.

Bloody good job she has an amazing family, and a fabulous mummy!

One day, he will have to answer why he walked out. One day his other children will see him for what he is. We are all living for that day. His ex wife included!!!

You need to be as honest a possible as early as possible. Lies and excuses and half truths don't help in the long run.

Hmm, but how much can a nearly 3 yo understand of "Your daddy doesn't see you because he drank so much he was unsafe around you, was EA to me and then fucked off with OW who took him under her wing whilst creating a company he could go self employed with so he could avoid paying for you and forbade him from seeing you?"
I think he may have to explain some of that to her when his new life falls apart. He can explain that he was worried having a child would mean he wasn't free, and then within months fell in with someone who now controls his finances, could have him arrested for fraud if she was broken up with and works with him to boot! And he isn't even 'allowed' to see his DD in a contact centre! He can explain that. I'll just go with 'he is busy' - he certainly has more to loose now!
Sorry to rant, but you can't be that honest with a child.

You can do the honesty thing in stages, using age appropriate language. Withhold certain information, yes, but don't create completely inaccurate lies. My son's dad is a horror and aged eight, he knows most of the full story. From about four he had an understanding of why daddy couldn't be around, and it built up from there.