Being a single parent with small child- positive stories please!

[JoRich77]

Hi

I have a 13 month old baby and for a long time now things have not been working with my partner. I think we have come to the end of the road, I still love him but he cant be the person that I need him to be. He hasn't had a proper job now for 1 1/2 and I feel he doesn't provide the financial stability I need. Despite not working our baby has been at childcare 2 days a week since months as he doesn't feel he can cope with looking after her for more than 1 day a week (I work 3 days a week). We have been for counselling and nothing seems to work. I just feel so sad, stressed, and suffocated (with him being around so much)

I just need to get the strength to say its over and move on but how do you do that with a small baby? I need to hear from people who have come through the other side and 'survived' as it just feels like such a big thing to deal with right now. I already feel guilty for splitting our family up but in all honestly, I grew up with a mum and dad who didn't get on and I don't want the same for my daughter

x

The short-term stress will be worth the long-term benefit by the sound of it. Your child at 13 months is too young to understand what's happening so that should make things easier.

As for how do you cope - well you just do! Do you have family nearby? 'Mum friends'? (Hate that phrase). Lone parenting is easier with a support network. I have been alone since conception so have done everything by myself, every night feed, every bedtime... it's hard sometimes but preferable to being in a miserable relationship by a million miles.

I've been on my own with 3 dc's since they were 6,4 and 2. It was way easier being on my own than having to deal with them and exh!

I've found my kids are better adapted to the divorce than friends whose kids are older when they split... (at that age they don't get too stressed if you give them simple explanations)

You'll cope, you'll have fun, and it will all be fine!

But YY to support networks. It really helps to be part of a network of other single parents (couples are allowed to help too if they're not too annoying) :)

thanks for the replies. I really need to build up some good friendships as been a bit slack with my mum friends since I went back to work. Im not very close to my family but they are going to have to be there to support me through this as I will need their help. At the moment I worry how I will cope with the nights as DD not sleeping very well. Hopefully she will grow out of that. I just feel so guilty that i will be making the decision to split our family up (DP will never make this decision himself) thats whats stopping me making this decision. Plus stupidly I still love DP even though he is not making me happy, feels like my heart is breaking

OP I completely understand what you're going through and hope you don't mind if I "lurk", I too am in a toxic relationship (DD now 2.5). Haven't had the courage to make the final break yet, will be very glad to hear positive stories from mums who have made it out the other side. Sending you as I know you will need them.

I made the decision to break our family even though being a single parent was the last thing I ever wanted. But a toxic relationship that involved lying, cheating, emotional abuse that showed no sign of changing made me think that, actually, it would be far far worse for DS to be brought up in that environment. Also, DS was young - toddler - who would be unbothered by the split and it would be normal for him very quickly. The combination of those factors made me think that it was BETTER for DS to be with me who could focus on him and also see his dad frequently which would be quality time for them. That makes the guilt diminish a fair amount.
But you need to be ready to do it and it may be that you're not there yet. I made the decision to get out and five months later I did it. I took that time to get used to the idea, make plans, look into stuff like working tax credits, nurseries, legalities of the situation in case it went badly wrong and he became nasty. It was time well-spent because it made the actual split much easier.

I made the decision to end my 14 year relationship 3 months ago. Situation sounds similar to yours in some ways. I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. First few weeks were tough and eldest child very upset but sooo much easier already and I am super confident I am doing the right thing. I am 34 years old and think better to make the decision now rather than spend the rest of my life with someone who will never make me really happy. Some days are tough not having someone to share the load with- like at the moment I am still sat on my landing returning my little one to bed every 5 minutes since he learned how to climb out of his cot 2 weeks ago! But hey I am so glad I have made the break! You can do this Iif its what you want- be strong x