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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

How do you get through it?

10 replies

MummyandJess · 31/08/2006 13:58

My and my dh have been seperated for 3 months now and divorce will be settled in January (adultry by him). Up until a couple of weeks ago I would have ran back into his arms if he had clicked his fingers, I thought I was getting on so well and becomming so much stronger until I was out on Saturday night and I turned around and saw him with another woman kissing very passionately. I didnt know what to do. I ran to the toilet and threw up. I know he done nothing wrong but that alone has bought me back down and I cant handle the thought he is with someone else. Am I completely pathetic? What can I do to stop the pain?

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stevie74 · 31/08/2006 14:07

Ouch! If only we could cut them out of our hearts as easily as they can theirs.
Keep smiling even if underneath it all you are a wreck and seek comfort from friends. Try something new if you have the time, college course, gym, salsa dancing, so you're meeting new people & developing a new interest. Maybe then you won't be going to the same places and bump into him again.
You will get through it M&J but it isn't easy and it will take time. Good luck

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Judy1234 · 31/08/2006 14:44

Let's hope she was giving him herpes. You could have poured a drink over them or even been sick over them I suppose.
More seriously I think it is just time passing that makes it easier. Poor you.

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mistressmiggins · 31/08/2006 16:32

3 months isnt long especially after an affair where perhaps you didnt expect/want the marriage to end

it takes time - lot longer than you think - give yourself time

I can say that it does get easier (although Im having a bad week) - 10 months since ex left and hes living with his mistress - has been since the day he left/I kicked him out....it does get easier - Ive even spoken to her on the phone - but thats cos of the kids.

{{{big hugs}}}

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sheepgomeep · 01/09/2006 12:32

it does get easier over time 3 months isn't all that long to get over someone (took me fifteen months)

try keep yourself busy, new friends, look after yourself as much as you can. I read a lot in the early months after dp buggered off, anything to take my mind off the pain that he was with someone else

you'll get there.. one day you will wake up and feel nothing but indifference towards him (hopefully)

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Earlybird · 01/09/2006 12:51

Oh, it's so hard, and I'm sorry you're going through it.

What helped me most was to virtually eliminate contact with my ex (we didn't have a child together so was much easier not to see him). Obviously, you'll have to see him when he comes to visit the kids (do you have children together?). But if you can, you should avoid all optional contact. By that I mean, avoid being anyplace where you are likely to bump into him socially. Can't imagine how painful Sat night must have been - in the short term, no "fun night out" is worth that sort of upset.

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MummyandJess · 01/09/2006 21:28

Thank-you all for the support it makes me feel better that Im not pathetic that he has moved on and I haven't.
Earlybird yea we have a dd 2:9 so we still have to keep in touch.
Does anyone understand when I say I dont think I want him back but I dont want him being with anyone else in the mean time. I must sound so stupid but I cnt help but feel that way

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Tinkerbel5 · 03/09/2006 09:05

MummyandJess its only been 3 months so you havnt had enough time to mourn as such, you will still have strong feeling for him but they will definately fade over time, it might take a couple of years but you will get there in the end.

My friend went through the same thing with her ex and they had been split well over a year, it was the end of the night in the local pub and she turned and looked in his direction and he has his tongue down the throat of one of the girls she regarded as a friend, that really hurt her and she was so upsed

I understand what you say regarding you dont want him but you dont want anyone else to have him, its been put in you're face, but maybe the next time he does it you wont be bothered cause you will probably have a sexy new man who will treat you so much better

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Pinkchampagne · 03/09/2006 09:24

I am so sorry you are going through this.
3 months is not very long & it is bound to be very painful to see him kissing another woman.
3 months ago my husband & I decided to seperate and it is still very painful. (my H hasn't moved out yet) I know I would feel exactually the same as you if I saw him passionately kissing another woman.
I imagine that it will get easier in time, but it must be so horrible for you atm.
Thinking of you.x

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MummyandJess · 03/09/2006 20:19

Thanku all again for the wonderful support it really is helping and I hope you are all right and I am gonna be able to get over him sooner rather than later

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lovingit · 10/09/2006 09:13

have just been reading through this page andi know how u r all feeling, although i didnt see him kissingher i have seen things that arent quite right found hotel receipts with"mr and mrs" on when i thought i was the "mrs".... being very cagey with his whereabouts, hiding his phone, showering and getting dressed straight away (use to come down stairs in a towel). guessing he has marks on his body he dont want me to see.... and he wouldnt know what honesty was if it bit him on the arse... but as my mum says get use to the fact hes found someone else and leave him to it as he will eventually be the same with her...so i canunderstand how peeps are feeling its just shame ud get jailed for murder... jk