How do schools typically support children when their parents split?

[ClairityVerity]

Hi all,

I've posted a few times on here about my relationship woes and we are finally at a point where we have decided to split up.

Thankfully at the moment things are as amicable as they can be, fingers crossed we can keep it that way.

What I'd like to know as we work through all our stuff, is what kind of support my children's school might offer when we tell them about our separation? I've heard that most schools have counsellors; should I expect this to be offered to us or should I expect to ask for what I think we need? Or both?

We weren't offered any counseling, though I think the dcs would have benefited from it.

The school was very supportive. Lots of love and support for the dcs, they cut them all some slack, didn't mind when things got left at the wrong house, and were really good at keeping me up to date on how they were. The head recommended some good books, which really helped us talk about it. They also did all the admin (separate communications, offering separate parents evening slots - though we didn't take them up on that) very effectively.

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. How are the children coping?

Thanks, Pepe. Lovely to see how supportive your school was. DC's school is utterly brilliant and very caring, so hopefully we'll get similar care for them.

We haven't told anyone yet save for a few close friends. The children are unaware, they really are, and I just can't predict how they'll be.

Reading between the lines it sounds like you and your ex collaborated pretty well, am I right? If so I'd welcome any and all tips on keeping things friendly!

God no, he's a complete tosser.

Actually, that's unfair - he behaved appallingly but did try really hard with the dcs. Things were really bad between us for a long time but the fact that he so clearly wanted to d

Oops.

...the fact he so clearly wanted to do the right thing for the dcs helped a lot.

The best advice I got was to keep everything to do with the dcs separate from any baggage I had with him. So I would make sure we had a very calm conversation about arrangements for the dcs and then the next day would call him out for being a wanker. It meant we never fought about the children which helped further down the line.

hi clarity really sorry u are going through this. how old are dcs?

ex and I separated 6 months ago. dcs were 8 and 6. we told the head in person on the friday as I wanted any relevant staff to know for first thing Monday morning as we were telling them that weekend. we were very clear that in no uncertain terms it was on a need to know basis as we were worried parents worked at the school. they were very good and the staff kept that confidence.

we do do parents evening and school plays together but every split has its own circumstances so u have to do what it right for u.

we share paperwork although I know we could get duplicate copies. I forward the school newsletter e mail to ex. send pics of spellings so he can practice them too (thank goodness for what's app!) etc. we just talk about dcs.

I am a secondary teacher myself and its certainly made me realise the practicalities of homework left at dads etc much more. if your dcs are secondary age most schools have a counsellor if your dcs need it but all staff who teach dcs will need to know and will I'm sure be very understanding. I'd contact head of yr or form tutor in first instance . good luck

School were really good. I went and saw the head of the junior school before we told DD so they knew. They offered separate parents meetings and also at an alternative time for me as sadly another parent was involved. Ultimately school had to step in with a big boot as Ex and OW behaved appallingly towards the children. But the children have been at the heart of everything school has done.

usually you need to ask for counselling if your child needs it. someone has to refer eg teacher or ? , or you can request.

obviously school need to be informed, requests for reports etc to go to two addresses and so on. keep them informed if separation impacts n kids eg homework issues etc.

I had a good chat with the headmistress the week after we told the kids. She was actually very helpful and brought up a lot if things that I hadn't thought of yet.

The only thing that ruined it really was how practiced she sounded. She'd clearly had this same talk with many other parents before and knew that she'd be doing it again soon. It was just too smooth and polished. Very off putting.

The school is not the bit to worry about I found. At least there the consistency in their lives didn't change.

It was after school activities that were the tricky bit with shared access between me and exH

Thanks loads for your thoughts, people. It's useful to get an idea of what things to be aware of. DCs are 3 and 8. So much to bear on such little shoulders.