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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Grateful for any advice

6 replies

92littlecat92 · 19/05/2014 15:45

Hello everyone,

I am new here and very much in need of some help and advice, and would be so grateful if anyone can offer me some. I’m 21 years old and 4 months pregnant with my first child. My partner of 3 years as unfaithful to me and then left me. I know that I am relatively young, on a modest income as an administrator and now feel like a stupid little girl. My now former partner has moved back in with his mother, over 100mmiles away and says he wants to be involved but living that far away I doubt he will be able to play a huge part in our baby’s life. I think the easiest way to sum up my worries would be in a list, so here goes:

  1. I am mostly afraid of being able to give my child and adequate up brining, both financially and emotionally on my own.
  2. I am scared of not being able to go back to work and of being able to afford raising a child alone
  3. I am white and the baby’s father is black and I do not want my child to feel like an outsider with my family (his want nothing to do with either of us)
  4. Coming from a chaotic family myself the one thing I wanted for my own children was to live in a family with both their parents and now that this is impossible I am scared of my child missing out.
  5. Although it is selfish I am scared of not finding a partner again – I am not a good looking woman and I will soon be a single mother.
  6. I am struggling with feelings of guilt because I feel I have already let my child down and been a bad mother.

I would really appreciate any advice.

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 19/05/2014 15:51

You have not let your child down, that is the very first thing.
Next you are going to provide a lovely stable home for you child, families come in all shapes and sizes now.
Don't worry about work just now, but remember he will need to pay maintenance.
Deal with one step at a time and enjoy your little one when they arrive.

momofmonster · 19/05/2014 16:01

Your child will not be missing out. The fact that you are so concerned now shows that you already love him/her. and honestly all a child needs is its mother.

I'm also a single mom and at 31 and i knwo it's tough i wont pretend otherwise but it is worth it. Just take each day as it comes and only do what feels right to you - if you need to stay at home until the lo is in nursery/reception before returning to work then so be it.

As for finding a new partner - at times it can get lonely but i have found that i'm not really looking or wanting anyone right now because i'm enjoying just having me and my child.

I've seen a thread on here about being a one parent one child family - see if you can find it as that will help you see all the good things that will come with being a single parent to one little darling.

Original poster
92littlecat92 · 20/05/2014 09:05

Thank you both for taking the time to read and reply to my post, I hope I am up to this!

OP posts:
mummylydz25 · 29/05/2014 19:17

I am 21 with 2 kids ages 2 and 4. They have different dads. It is hard work some days but honestly, when your babies in your arms he/she will be your world and you will never experience a love like it in the world. It's normal to fear the unknown. I'm doing it alone at 21 with 2! Sometimes I could pull my hair out and I miss adult conversations and life as a normal person. Then I look at my kids and I could never be without them and I love my new life as a Mummy it's so rewarding in every way! I havnt got loads of money and sometimes I'd love to treat myself bit my kids are clean, well fed, the house is clean and they are very loved and that's what makes them happy. Good luck to you and congratulations on being a mummy soon! Xx

mammadiggingdeep · 31/05/2014 08:37

Mothers find the strength to provide emotionally and financially. You'll do it. You'll love the baby so much you'll find skills and strength you never knew you had. You'll be able to apply for tax credits to help you financially.

My children are mixed race. They see their father and his family. We also live in a very multicultural area so my children wouldn't feel different.

I understand your point and you may live in a different type if place to me (mono cultural) but their is no way your child could feel like an outsider in your family. They'll be loved and one of the family. I think that's a non issue to be honest.

theuncivilservant79 · 31/05/2014 19:17

Wish id seen this before. A v close friend of mine brought up her mixed race child alone which she also had at 21. She faced all you have listed above but made a success of it and is a great mother.
I am a lp too. I think all you can do is say 'I am going to make the best of this' and try not to dwell on what you think your child is perceived to me missing out on. Good luck

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