Childcare and EX

[frustratedsingleworkingmum]

I work full time and my ex does too. He has contact with our child regularly and I told him he needs to start paying for the childcare costs on the day/s that he has responsibility for picking up/dropping off our child.

In my mind that is fair.

This is in addition to the child maintenance he (begrudgingly) provides each month.

I can see a lot on forums about there not being a law for this and that it is the parent with responsibility that has to cover childcare costs. But surely this cant be for the days that he needs it? If I need it, I pay it but if he needs it, he should pay it right? I am not paying for childcare for him out of the maintenance. This goes on providing a home, food and clothes for my child.

He wanted shared parenting and this is it isn't it?

Anyone else in a similar position?

I had this. I got tax credits for childcare and I agreed to cover his days with my tax credits but wanted him to pay half of the remainder. He refused. He earned too much to claim TC himself so it wasn't like I should have had to share the TC.

Eventually I told my childminder that I wanted a new contract that said I wanted her to have the DC on my set days and emailed my ex to say he would now have to sort out his own childcare. He then cut my maintenance in half (he was paying more than CSA rate as he got OW pregnant immediately upon our separation and I refused to have less money from him for his mistake).

That sounds fair enough. If he was leaving early and not getting back until late on his days you could easily be spending £20-30 a day on wraparound care, which if they were with you that day you may not need to cover.

As a PT working mum, I don't need childcare on my days so threes no way I'd be paying for it on my exes days to enable him to work longer hours and earn more than me! Because you're both ft it seems easier for him to justify, but perhaps try pointing that out to him. If you didn't need childcare at all on your days, what would he do about arranging it for his days?

It's his responsibility to pay for what they need like food etc on his days, I presume that's why there's a reduction for the amount of nights they stay with him. If you were supposed to cover the costs of them staying with him then there would be no reduction for 52-104 nights per year etc.

If I were you, presuming you have a set schedule for his contact I'd let him know that from now on you're paying for the days they with you and he can sort his own childcare with his own contract etc on his days and that you're going to let your CM/after school club know that you need two separate contracts.

I don't know if this is the correct legal response, or whether it might inflame the situation. Is he likely to withhold maintenance if you rock the boat?

Ah ex post with no more, that's the danger I suppose if your payments aren't set in stone. System is a disgrace.

Frustrated.... it's fair, and it's what ex and I do in a small way. It absolutely should be the responsibility of the parent who is taking responsibility for them that day. What are you shared parenting arrangements?

However, as others have shown it risks him fuxking about with maintenance.

Have you been through CSA? How have you agreed how much he will pay thus far?

I paid the £30k a year cost of the nanny (5 children) after divorce as I earned more and my ex does not have to pay for the children. Our court order says I also pay 5 sets of school fees and university costs as I earn more. That was not however through the CSA. I also have the children 365 nights a year (not my choice although of course I adore them) and work full time.

Sometimes parents jointly hire a nanny and each pay half the cost. It id often part of divorces settlements - Paul McCartney etc etc. I don't see why the same principle should not apply to those earning much less as full time childcare is £14k a year for one nursery place in London. It is often the biggest expense even compared with a mortgage and yet the CSA system seems not to take proper account of it. More and more women work full time. as you cannot force the father ever to see the children it is a difficult issue.

I pay for full childcare (breakfast and afterschool clubs) for our 3 children, despite the fact that my ex won't pay maintenance (self employed). My ex is flakey, unreliable and delibrerately sets out to cause me problems...so this way I know my back is covered and he can chop and change 'his' time without it causing me any problems. Do consider the potential impact of your ex paying his way but then wanting to change days (which could happen for a million different, legitimate reasons) and leaving you without childcare on those days - particularly as he could make his own arrangements which you are unable to pick up yourself.

I agree entirely, although of tax credits/ wtc are claimed against childcare I think it's fair that the ex only pays half of what is left, not the whole amount of childcare costs.

This is what ex and I did, childcare was 1000 a month and I got 600 tax credits, so he paid me 200 extra for childcare. Then I reached the threshold and no longer got tax credits.

He paid 200 maintenance, if he didn't contribute to child care that would leave me with an 800 bill, plus all the costs of raising dd I don't know how I would have done it.

If you both work then you are both responsible for the child are costs.

I have a mum at school who's currently doing this at the moment. She has agreed with after school club that if he needs it on his days, she will bill Dad rather than add it to mum's bill.

She's being very flexible due to the Dad being such a pain, and I know that this can't always be so flexible.