Worried, how do you cope with a toddler and a new born??

[OnlyMakingMeStronger]

Hi,

Am 22 weeks pregnant and have a 22month old. When baby is born she will be 2.2. Am really worried about how we will cope. I know ExH will try to come back by telling me I can't cope etc but screw him. I want to cope, I need to cope.

Please tell me your experiences.

I have a handful of friends who all have small children and busy lives. My mum lives 30/45 mins away and has lots of commitments but will help as much as possible whenever she is free.

It is scary to think I'll have to do it all alone. I find comfort and strength in being prepared and organised. Just don't know where to start right now.

Thanks

It really might not be as bad as you think.

Oops....XP didn't really help when I had DC2 and he was gone by the time she was 4 months old. I found that because I wasn't have to do pre-school or school runs then I could set my own timetable, or ignore it totally!

Hopefully your DC2 will be a standard second child, you'll know what you're doing and feel fairly confident. I found it so much easier with the second newborn.

I'm just worried about the energy. Staying awake. I'm scared that I'm gonna be so exhausted from new born feeding routines (hoping to bf again) that I will be short and snap at her and she will feel like I've got no time for her. I'm scared of screwing them both up.
Worried cos we will have no cash. Enough benefit money to get by as I had to quit my job recently and now have no income. Having to organise benefits but it will be so tight.

Worried I won't be able to give either child the time or attention they need/want.

I had DD3 at Christmas and we hadn't seen ex since June when children's services advised stopping contact and we haven't seen him since the birth, all my family live 100 miles away so I'm on my own.

DD3 was breast fed which was hard to start with but I read to the others or they played in the same room and we chatted while I fed.

DD1 is at school and I found the routine of school runs quite helpful but I enjoy the holidays when I don't have to get up if everyone is still asleep :-)

My number one piece of advice on coping is to put baby to bed when you go to bed not at 'bedtime' that way you get every minute of sleep you can.

Housework didn't always get done in the first few weeks but everyone was fed, clean and where they needed to be when they needed to be there.

Focus on the important bits and worry about the rest when the initial newborn period is over ;-)

Good luck, you'll be great!

Thanks for responses. I'm sure I will cope. I have the type of mindset that I can't undo the situation so make the best of it and try as hard as I can. So I'm sure I'll step up to the plate when the time comes.

Emotions are a little raw right now and pregnancy hormones to boot!

Obviously don't know what your first was like but I was quite strict about feeding, burping, cuddling and then put dd2 down swaddled and didn't go to her for the first murmer. She's been a really good sleeper and has actually been my saving grace.

Don't beat yourself up about housework not being done.

Eat when the kids eat and go to bed when they do when you're tired. I still do this on days when I'm working.

My eldest was older when I had dd2, I coped by keeping her in childcare while I was on maternity leave.

Do you work? If not she will be entitled to 15 free hours from the term after she turns two so that might be worth looking in to.

I would cook some meals for the freezer, cooking was the thing I found the hardest.

Hi my exp was working away most of the week when I had DS2, DS1 was 18months old when DS2 was born.

-Tips...beg, borrow or steal a phil and teds buggy and the cocoon it saved my sanity.
-Don't bother with washable nappies

• dress baby in baby grows until 6 months old (don't need to match stuff, iron them, or find/lose socks...plus don't have to get them ready for bed for those occasions where they pass out at an inconvenient time, or get them dressed before taking them out to groups.
• go to as many toddler groups as possible to save your sanity. other mums love holding babies.
• if you are on benefits you may be eligible for free childcare for your 2 year old. If you are, use it.
• don't sweat about getting the baby into a routine...it'll have to fit around number 1 child!

I've got 3 kids...I found the first baby hard work but the subsequent ones not so bad. They like watching the big ones, and you will know what you are doing. Also, it gets easier when they are bigger and can fight play together

I had a 23 MO and a newborn on my own. Ex left me when I was 5 weeks PG.

It isn't as bad as you think, I didn't have any family help either. Take things slow and try not to push yourself too much.

If you have a day where you're sitting on the sofa with your toddler watching Cbeebies don't feel guilty, we have had plenty of those.

You will cope because you have to as I did, it will be fine