DS 5 in front seat with no booster seat

[BelleCurve]

XH has taken DS in the his car in the front seat without any child or booster seat. It was a planned journey, his contact visit but I didn't do the handover and the journey is about 45mins.

He has form for not considering DS safety e.g leaving him unsupervised in bath at 18months (one of the reasons we are no longer together)

He is EA and passive aggressive so I don't think a reasonable conversation will sort this. What should I do?

How selfish. That it totally unacceptable and against the law. I'm not sure what you could do that doesn't involve a conversation of some sort.

I understand you don't want to communicate verbally with him due to his behaviour but would an email be an option? You'd have proof then of if he sends anything abusive back and also of what you sent.

I'd be telling him that unless he has adequate enough seating for your son in the future then he will have to find another mode of transport that doesn't potentially endanger your child to continue with contact.

Totally irresponsible behaviour.

Who did do the hand over and does he normally have a booster seat?

My au pair did the handover as he was an hour late for pickup. He usually has a car seat which I bought when my son was a toddler but has been too small for many months now.

I could send an email but worried it will backfire and he will place DS in danger "to spite me".

Could you arrange transport to pick your son up when contact is over so he doesn't have to get back in the car with no seat? If you're worried of something backfiring, you could always send the email when your son is back home safe. It's hard I know, but something has to be said so he knows it can't continue.

It's really not safe for him to be travelling back with no car seat though, and it shouldn't be down to you to arrange a pick up if ex is the one who always brings him back. But it may be a better option if you could pick him up from ex's or his parents so he won't have to make that journey again.

Sorry to clarify, DS is now home safe with me. Just trying to resolve the issue/decide how to handle it before next contact.

Hmm, no suggestions really I am affraid. But am concerned that you say you think he could put ds at risk to spite you! Should he be having contact at all if this is a real possibility?

As I said he has form for not prioritising DS safety. The bath incident, he was supervising but just left him, then blamed me for being asleep . He used to encourage DS as a baby to play with sharp objects, plastic bags etc and then say I was over-reacting. I've seen him let DS run in the road as he was loading something in his car.

I hoped he would be better now DS is a bit older and DS is very sensible, but I still have concerns and can't police his behaviour when he has contact. Would I be over-reacting to stop contact? He see DS for a few hours about once a month.

Is the contact court ordered?

If not just refuse to hand over if he does not have the legally correct car seat. It's not down to you to provide it nor is it down to you to transport him if he refuses to follow the law.

If it is court ordered call the police the second he sets off and make a note for your next court hearing

If you have concerns that your DS' safety is at risk when in contact with his dad then you have every right to stop unsupervised contact. I'd suggest a trial of supervised contact until issues regarding your son's safety have been addressed. Your DS' safety needs to be your ex's number one priority while in his care.

I'd write down a list of occasions you can remember from your experience when you've witnessed his safety being in jeopardy due to your ex. You may need it, so you can show the reason why you feel the need for contact to move from being unsupervised to supervised for the time being.

No court order for contact, just an informal arrangement.