How do you work out contact with child's father if they work shifts?

[Juno321]

As the title says really, just wondering how others go about it?

Can you arrange it as & when the shifts are scheduled? If ex has shifts rota a month ahead, say, can you arrange it then? There is more to-ing & fro-ing than is ideal, obv, but wonder if that's inevitable with shifts.

Yes, I think you're probably right. Just very frustrating having to work around him all the time, when he was never fussed about spending time with DD before we separated

hi op. I have to do this still living my life around ex job! it makes it very hard for dcs as overnight stays so sporadic.

anyway I ask for two months shifts in advance. I ask if any days he can't do as has plans. then I sketch out a contact of sleepovers and school pick ups with tea and weekend contact based on this . I show him to check OK and we go with that. our arrangement is 1-2 sleepovers a week but doesn't always happen that way due to shifts. basically they go on his rest days for sleepovers.

good luck. it sucks. [sad

I have this too. It's very frustrating. ExH gets a 6 week rolling roster. It is completely unpredictable and they can change anything except his days off at a moments notice.

We get together every couple of weeks to go through the next few weeks. He tries to have the DD's 1-2 nights a week but they can be weeknights so I don't really get much time to myself. He also tries to have them one weekend morning, afternoon or for a whole weekend day.

Luckily we are on good terms and he tries to help me out whenever possible. I don't know if this will change. I know he is juggling time with the OW and time with our DDs. I really hope the DDs don't lose out.

Yep its shit living your life around ex's rota. What can you do though?

when their rest days get changed too. at least I don't have to put up with having to keep a quiet house now whilst he sleeps or be woken up at all hours when he gets home.

it doesn't help the kids that's for sure in terms of building a routine and consistency

I'm on the other side of this, STBXH works Mon-Fri 9-5 whereas I work EOW with 2-3 on-calls (overnight) per month. Not too bad (not totally shift-based) but can be changeable (on-calls, for instance). When we were together he used to bemoan having to look after the kids unaided (they are 9 and 11yo girls and very easy). He was and is totally inept/unimaginitive, is oblivious to the hard graft of me juggling work and kids and happy to sit by and do the absolute minimum. For example if my work pattern changes (rare) he will go 3 weeks without seeing or phoning them.

I expect him to have the kids on my working weekends and am livid when he says he can't (e.g. He is going out drinking Saturday night so 'can't have the kids that weekend' which has happened).

God he sounds like a shit Dad! He is shit!!! and breathe!

Thanks for the input everyone so very frustrating but yes I think the only way round it is to work it out as and when

I have this too-its like everything has to be planned around him and is very frustrating.
During the week, his shifts are consistent in that he has the same two days off, so he will pick up the kids from school and have them until 7pm on these days.
Its weekends which vary as sometimes he has Saturday off and sometimes Sunday and to complicate matters more, I only let him have the kids over night if he has a half day at work followed by a day off. I am lucky in that most of the time my parents are available to look after the kids if I am really stuck.
When I was newly single I wanted to be out partying all the time at the weekend but now two years on I am not bothered as long as I get a decent night out every month or so. Therefore the over night stays are not as important.
I would say try and get to know as soon as possible off your ex the shifts he is working- mine is quite good now about providing my with a little calender of his shifts for the next few weeks and will nag his boss for it if she is a bit slow in drawing up the rota.