Can anyone give me advice on Formal Access??

[spook]

Hi everyone. This is a really tricky one for me and something I know f all abput.
Basically my exdh has constantly fucked us about on his access. It should be every Tuesday and every saturday but this frequently changes with little notice and he is nearly always late.
This 10 week holiday he has taken them away for 3 nights and has not had them overnight at his new flat once-he moved in at beginning of July and says its "not ready"
We got back from 3 weeks away on Sunday and he is collecting them this afternoon but says can't have them overnight coz flat still "not ready"!!
I am totally stuck-if he is late or lets us down I have absolutely no comeback. He picks them up and this is their home.
I can't afford another court battle so what do I do????
It affects my new relationship because my bf is fed up of our lives being dictated to by my ex.
A long one I know but any advice would be GREATLY appreciated.
TIA X

[Judy1234]

My ex has had 9 weeks school holiday and had 2 of the children for 2 nights and nothing else except 2.5 hours on a few Sundays. You cannot make a father ever see their children as I don't think the courts will force it. It's not fair really. All you can say to him is if he's late 2 weeks in a row then he cannot see them for a month and be firm about it. He could of course go back to court over that but it's unlikely and it could upset your children but it might well work. The effect of my ex never having the children and me supporting us all, working full time and in effect paying him (as I earn more) means it's very hard for me to find anyone else whereas I know lots of women whose ex's share child care. Some even do one week on, one off, and others at least have them to stay for entire alternate weekends which makes a big difference to your post divorce life.

[Culturalmum]

How do you get on with his parents? If you tell him he can't be more than 30mins late without telling you and let his parents know that this is what you have said, he may get pressure from them to get his act together. After all, don't they want to see them too? (And they might like to have a regular overnight - my mum does and my ex M-I-L has her when she's in Ireland). He may be blaming you to them for the lack of access. You are lucky to have found a BF, but if he doesnt accept the constraints of single mums, he may not be right for you?

[spook]

Thanks girls. Xenia-what a strong woman you must be.
Cultiralmum-I have no relationship with his parents. His mother is a complete cow who dumped me when ex walked out!
I just feel like he still has complete control over us even though I am in a new life.
The boys miss him and need him. If I question him he just states that he has to work in order to pay for us. Cheeky shit that he is.
I just don't know what to do.
My BF is wonderful but definately causes a strainon relationship because he thinks I don't stand up to him enough.

[Amanda1]

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[spook]

Hey! Thanks Amanda1. Really sensible advice (as always). I think thats exactly what I'm going to do-suggest every other weekend.
BF suggested I write him a letter to get my feelings across without a shouting match.
Might just do that.
The guys a twat. But we alredy knew that!!

[Amanda1]

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