Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Ex moving house

5 replies

purplebearbiscuit · 08/05/2014 16:28

I’m not sure if this is the right place to come but I’d appreciate some views on my situation.

My ex and I have been separated since DD was a year old and she is now 8. He has always played an active role and has had her 2/3rds of the time at his house. We both remarried in the last year or so, and he and his new wife are moving to a new house. It's been quite a protracted move due to new mortgage guidelines and various deals falling through. DD has been aware of the stress around the move. she drew a picture last week of daddy with steam coming out of his head because of the house move! I am starting a new job in June which will mean I am full time, ex has a new job too that started last week with a longer commute, and DD will now have new childcare arrangements from June. She will be spending no after schools with either of us where as she has been used to being with one of us all but one day a week after school.

My ex and I have decided that DD would be best off with a 50/50 arrangement (various reasons, I can go in to detail but not really relevant) and said we would move to this as she moves in to year four in September. My reasoning for the timing was that there isn’t much point starting the new arrangement, then having the long summer holiday, it might be better to start as we mean to go on in September.

Also, I know how stressful a move can be for adults, let alone children, and what with that and the new childcare arrangements I feel too much change at once should be avoided.

Ex says that the move is a good thing that DD is happy with, and so he wants to start the 50/50 from June. He's pushing this quite heavily. Aside from anything, I’m not sure he has childcare in place but he hasn’t answered my questions about that. I think if I were to agree to it I would want DD to know exactly what the arrangements are going to be. When he changed his job he didn't organise childcare until the day before she needed it and I had to do all of the arrangements etc. in a panic. He's a great dad but isn't very organised and flies by the seat of his pants where things like childcare are concerned.

It’s a tough one because neither one of us has more of a say – we agree things together, but I feel strongly I’m right. Help me decide what’s best?

OP posts:
starlight1234 · 08/05/2014 19:29

I have read it a couple of times and not sure what your issue is? Is this an extra day.. I would think if she knows change is going to happen then waiting for it to happen will only prolong things.

I also wonder if the summer holidays is a better time to get used to change than September when she has a new teacher.

What are you worried about ?

Original poster
purplebearbiscuit · 08/05/2014 20:22

Sorry, it's 1/3 with him now, moving to 50/50.

Because summer holidays are completely different, we spilt them 50/50. I have her for two weeks, so does he, and we arrange a week of child care each.

Maybe I am being daft. It just seems like a lot of change all at once which could be avoided

OP posts:
GreenGoblin0 · 09/05/2014 13:55

I agree with the PP, unless I a missing something from your OP. it seems to me that June would be a better time to increase to 50/50 as it will only be a month of school and then leads into the 50/50 arrangement for school holidays anyway. She'll have time to get used to the new term time arrangement at the quietest time of year school wise.

On a separate note its great that you and your ex have such an equal parenting arrangement, and that you acknowledge he is a good dad. Can you try to speak to him again about your concerns re childcare etc?

starlight1234 · 09/05/2014 18:23

Kids do deal with Change far better than we expect especially when they are given explanations. It may seem like a lot of change but I still think it would be better over and done with when very little stress at School. The new jobs although affect hours she has with parents, the stress of a new job is yours.

I think although lots of change is happening I think constant changes can be equally as stressful

Original poster
purplebearbiscuit · 09/05/2014 21:27

Thanks all. Spoke with ex today and we decided a june start would work.. On the understanding that he sort out childcare ahead of time and that dd knows what is happening. He looked a bit confused so I guess we'll see what happens

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page