Too much change - feeling so upset and guilty

[grounddown]

Where to start!!

DD is 3 next month and DS is 15 months. I was at home a lot with DD because i took a year out of my degree but found it hard being with her 24/7 so quit the degree, got a job and started when DS was 7 weeks old.
Exp was completely useless and because of that and other things (EA) i realised life would be easier without him so left him last November and moved into my own place. Life is soooooo tough, DS doesnt sleep and i am constantly juggling and trying my hardest but i cry, shout and feel like a failure all the time.

I work 2 days as week - both DS and DD go to a childminder one day and my mom has DS the other day whilst DD goes to nursery. I changed nurseries when i became a single parent as i was eligible for terrific for twos but unfortunately my DD just hasnt settled at the new nursery and the place has been taken at the old one. Ive asked my mom to have her aswell as DS but she has refused saying its too much for her to have them both which i have to accept. My childminder has offered to have her until 2.30 when she has to do the school pick up but my mom wont pick her up and i cant as im at work.

I started to talk to my mom about what will happen when DD starts school nursery in September and she told me not to bother asking her to drop her off at that time as she wont. I cant as i have to be at work by 9 and DD has to be dropped off at 8.45 so its impossible for me to be in two places at once. Its got me thinking - how the hell am i going to get my DD to school if neither the childminder nor my mother can drop her off and ive got to be at work!!!??? There is not breakfast club either.

Ive spoken to EXp and as usual he has no suggestions or offers of help, his parents live 100 miles away. So, i am sat here in tears thinking what the hell have i done. My DD wont settle because she is so confused about whats going on in her life - her dad has them when he can be bothered, shes changed nurseries and we have moved into a new house - so much change for someone so young.

I cant keep sending her to the new nursery because today they said she cried for an hour but i have to go to work!!! My mom asked me why i work when my job isnt particularly well paid or high profile (hers is and she rubs it in my face all the time because i quit my degree to have my children) and that maybe i should just quit work but how the hell will i pay for my house if i quit!! Im so confused and angry and feel so guilty that my DD cries at nursery, i always think my children come first but i also have to pay the bloody bills by myself.

I dont know why im posting to be honest. Im just alone, upset and totally confused about what to do next.

Sorry you're in such a state o(. Can I suggest you speak to your employers about starting a little later? Most employers are more sympathetic these days and you'll never know if you don't ask?

I work for the NHS running clinics in the community and my first patient is at a set time usually just after 9 so unfortunately no flexibility there.
I hate feeling like this. Major panic

You will be so very proud of yourself in years to come x

Do not beat yourself up op,life with children can be difficult at times for all parents. You are clearly doing a great job as a lone parent so be proud of yourself but also remember that its not your mums job to be your childminder,you are lucky she helps out as much as she does but you shouldnt expect more. Hope all works out for you:-).

Can you find another childminder?

Sorry Eliza but it should be her mums role to help out. That's what decent parents do. If my DD was struggling I'd move heaven and earth to support her. My mum and stepdad are moving back to my town to support me. Being a LP is gruelling and its unreasonable to assume a LP can do it 24/7 and hold down a job.

grounddown I'm not sure if the flexible working requests would cover you? Maybe ask on the employment boards and see if anyone has any ideas. And I shout all the time , it's not just you. It's exhausting.

I know the feeling! But you're not a failure if you look at your accomplishments: you've raised 2 children from November until now on your own, and worked, and moved house. That's pretty good going.

Are there any nurseries near you that do the school runs? The one that my youngest DC is in, also does primary school drop offs and pick ups (they are all dropped off at the nursery by their parents, walked to primary school by staff, and the same in reverse in the evenings.)

Its likely that you might have to go through a few childminders and nurseries with both of your children to fit in with your work. I did with my eldest DC. Though if I ask her now what she remembers about that time, its actually very little, if anything!!

You'll probably become more aware of the more flexible childminders once your DC starts at school, as you'll start seeing them in the playground. Quite a few have actually approached me for work, once they saw my youngest DC.

Can you get really tough with your ex and point out that he is also responsible for getting them to and from nursery/childminder/school, and that you want him to take responsibility for doing so 50% of the time?