struggling

[topsy1]

Hi. Thought I'd post here as no one in RL to really talk to and was hoping someone would understand!
Have been a lone parent to my 2ds for 5 years now. I finished the marriage because my ex was v abusive. He left me in loads of debt and I had to go bankrupt as all in my name. He has had no contact with the 2 ds for 4 years (his choice - he has disappeared) I get money through csa star straight from payroll as he refused to sign any papers. This isn't regular at all.
I'm struggling to manage everything and not be frustrated and cross with my ds s. Ds 1 has Sen - he's g&t but also has dyslexia and dyspraxia. He now has an iep at sch for both but I'm really struggling with his motivation to do anything. My ds2 is very bright but has massive tantrums. I am strict with them and have given them clear routine and bedtime. For all our sakes!
I am struggling because I'm finding it so hard to do it all on my own. We live v ruraly and there aren't any other single parent families. All my friends (and the boys) are couples and at the weekend do family things. Playing with friends after sch is very hard because of where we live. Therefore we can go some time as just us - which is great but lonely. I get frustrated and cross with the boys which I know I shouldn't but it's overwhelming.
My family live along way away.
I feel now I've completely failed them. Ds 1 isn't doing any work at sch and his teacher said today I needed to be kinder to him- I do,but it's so hard.
Sorry long post - it's all pouring out now. Will stop ;( thank you for listening/reading x

hey there
it sounds as though you are really struggling and feeling quite isolated. i find it hard too and i get some help and have friends to see.... i can't imagine how i would cope if i didn't. you don't sound very happy where you are right now, away from family and not able to get out and about much after school etc... is there any possibility of moving somewhere that would open up more opportunities for you? are there any community events or even churches that you could get involved in over the weekend? im not surprised you are struggling to manage everything on your own, especially with your ds struggles at school. i hope you can find a way toget some more support... im sure some more lovely ladies will be along to help here too.

Support is so hard to get though
Another one here where DD's dad used to have the CSA take straight from payrol until he said he lost his job, despite the company still putting him on their website and with a promotion years later so I know what a struggle it must have been in that instance.

I also don't have much support - my dad comes to stay for two nights every month or so, which is lovely but also feels as though I have another child at times! I don't know how I survived childhood as he is very blasé about holding her hand in public or what she can play with!

I have a good group of friends however. Some I met through baby groups so our DC are similar ages. Others I used to work with or met in the pub oh those halcyon days! and some from her nursery and others who just live nearby. We are usually either entertaining hoards of kids in my house, out at the park/in town/at a castle with one or more of them or at their houses. It has saved my sanity many times being able to let her run off to a friend's room and sit with a glass of wine and have a chat

I only have DD though, and your two boys being different ages and needs must be much much harder. Have you tried Gingerbread at all? Their webpage may have some suggestions www.gingerbread.org.uk/
Or perhaps you could get a babysitter for a night a month to have something to look foward to? Could you make friends with parents with similar needs to your DS and see if they can suggest anything or share a few hours/playdate with?

And never think you have failed them! Being a single parent is hard, with one let alone two! Keeping it together all of the time isn't something most people have to deal with and I'm not surprised you find it hard at times.
They know you love them, and they are healthy and have a roof over their heads. The fact you are on here asking for advice shows that you know you want to do better, which can only be a good thing

Thank you. Never thought of gingerbread - will have a look. I can't move - I couldn't afford it. I do have some good friends, it just they are busy doing couple things most of the time. They only seem to get in touch if their partner is away.I do feel like I've failed as perhaps I made this situation. Thank you for your suggestions. X

Have you ever considered moving in with family perhaps, when my ex left, I had to sell my business and I'm lucky enough that I'm very close to my mum so have moved back home with 3 dc's, till I can get myself on my feet again. We are taking it a month at a time though now I think I will be here till at least September as that is when my youngest starts her pre school. You haven't failed your dc's, it is just dam hard, try and give yourself a break, when I was living alone with the kids mine was every Friday pizza and film night, bought pizza, no cooking or much washing up, no bed time routine, no reading, just chilling In front of the telly together, they soon looked forward to it an nearly a year on we still do it, though I'm really bored of pizza!!

Your family is valid and it took me a while to get that me and kids doing our own thing was fine on a weekend.more than that it was what they wanted . To just do stuff together even simple things..baking park walking etc. c

Your own Friday or Saturday night pizza routine etc.

Whether it s pyjama day doing videos etc or packing a rucksack and picnic and going out locally.

Check out local walks etc. maybe there is a rambling club you could all go on a walk ?