Should i contact DD father... Again.?

[RockinMumma]

My daughter is 19 months old her dad has never set eyes on her. He had a girlfriend during my pregnancy when we split and that made his decision to not be involved... Because of her. Call me a fool but I really would like him to be involved in her life, he had contacted me a while back regarding maintenance which he now gives me and during that I asked him if he still felt the same about not seeing her to which he said I feel awful saying this but my feelings haven't changed , I do think about her every single day without fail though.... I found out recently that he split from his girlfriend , I would like him to be involved in her life because the thought of her growing up not knowing her dad's side of the family kills me. I really want to contact him again but don't want to just phone and ask out of the blue? How can I deal with this? Help!

I'd leave it tbh. Contact can't be forced, if he wanted to see her he would. I presume the ex wasn't holding a gun to his head. The fact they've split and he still doesn't want to see her shows you that this decision is his and his alone.
I've been where you are, I know it's sad, I tried for 2 years to get my ex to see his child to no avail. He's almost 6 now. I can say though that so far ds is completely unaffected and as soon as I gave up the anger and trying to get ex involved, I was a lot happier.

I tried and tried too but no luck. I would not blame the his girlfriend for him not seeing his daughter as that is entirely his choice. It just makes you feel a bit better blaming someone else rather than accepting you had a child with an idiot which unfortunately is far too common.

Once I'd sent my last email (also sent it to all his family!!) requesting contact and had made that decision that I wouldn't try anymore I, like minesa felt better.

I'm sorry you are going through this but I really would just stop trying.

I don't know - he may just have been blaming her for his decision. My ex had a new g.f and it is hard to tell who has made the decision. He professed to love her when he lived with us and suddenly turned into "I'm not paying maintenance for YOUR child" when she was on the scene. Personally I think she has done it to ensure her hold over him, but ultimately I have to admit it is his own decision to keep up the lack of contact.

I'd not bother him again though as we have been to court over his maintenance and even the judge couldn't convince them to see DD, despite her advising he should.

DD is nearly 3 and I just discovered they are still stalking me on here, so it doesn't always end when you stop caring about what they are doing. Her father may well think of her every day but if he doesn't have the balls to do anything about it he will miss out and that is his loss and his choice.

When I said "He professed to love her" I meant our DD, not the g.f, although I do think there was a crossover period as we were still sleeping together the week he moved out however I also know he would happily have stayed the weekend with me when they were definitely meant to be an item, so swings and roundabouts

No girlfriend should stop a father from seeing his child. He'd have fought heaven and earth if he wanted to and he didn't. I know it's difficult but no father is better than a half hearted one. < for you.

I wouldn't contact him again. He has clearly made his choice, and it would be far more painful for your DD to get to know him, to possibly be let down later. What are his family like though? There is nothing to stop them having a relationship with her if they are reasonable people.

Thanks for all your replies, as far as he has told me his gf had encouraged him to take do with our daughter. So the decision is purely his. I think if he was to take do with her & let her down again I would make his life a complete misery!!!