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Original poster

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6 replies

longbottom · 05/05/2014 20:07

Hi all, Ex and I have recently seperated, still living together in the short term but are trying to look forward and plan.
Ex wants 50/50 contact with DD5, do I have to agree with this. I am and always have been primary carer for DD, I do everything for her and now he wants me to let her go. I don't know how DD would react to this, we are equally as close with her but I am her Mum and the thought of 50/50 is killing me.
Any advice is greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
queenofthepirates · 05/05/2014 20:26

You have a good point and perhaps this is one your STB ex needs to consider. If you have been the primary carer for perhaps 70% of the time, perhaps in the initial stages, you could make the split gentler and work up to 50/50? Do bear in mind that the contact agreements need to have the child as the focal point though, not the parents and whilst you have my complete sympathy, this is something best worked out in a mutually agreement settlement between you before it gets anywhere legal.

Minime85 · 05/05/2014 21:09

I sympathise with your situation. I agree with previous poster the DC needs to be at the centre of any arrangements. mine is prob a 70/30 split due to ex job. but it was gradually built up to as they did not want to stay as they were not used to being away from me. over time we built up to them staying over and then staying two nights. we are now 6 months in and youngest dd still finds it hard. but them having a relationship long term with their dad is important. so together we are working to build their confidence.

in holidays he has them more.

I hope you can work together to sort something out Thanks

cestlavielife · 05/05/2014 21:53

How old is child ?
What is feasible practically speaking ?

cestlavielife · 05/05/2014 21:54

If he wil, now step up and be a proper parent fifty per cent of the tiime this can only be a good thing

Original poster
longbottom · 05/05/2014 22:09

Thank you for replies, no idea how DD will react, I will however try to think of her and her relationship with both parents when attempting to talk this through and make contact easy as possible.
I know I am lucky that ex wants her that much but I really will be lost without her.

OP posts:
starlight1234 · 05/05/2014 22:15

There are lots of things to consider before accepting 50/50 care...

Do you both lice close to school, do you both work will he be putting her into childcare rather than been with family.

You say you have been the primary carer so what do you think his motives are for wanting 50/50 care? What are your concerns.

You don't have to agree to anything but he could take you to court if he had such a determination to.

I do completely understand that if I had done everything for my child why should I have to give up 50% of my time but it does need to be balanced with DD having time to get to know her Dad...

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