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Original poster

Advise in long distance father

5 replies

Ginag03 · 04/05/2014 08:08

I am about to be divorced my ex is fighting and pushing to have my 4 yr old for a week every 8 weeks but as he has always worked away I think this is too much to start with as my dd has never been away from me more than 3 nights am I being unreasonable he is very nasty at times and trying to take me for every penny I have as well

OP posts:
giantpurplepeopleeater · 05/05/2014 18:29

I think this depends on your circumstances and your child.

My DS is 3 and has been on holiday with his dad, so has been away from me for a week, he has also stayed with his dad when I had to have 5 nights away for work.

However DS has been seeing his Dad every other weekend (2 nights) for an awful long time now.

Would there be any contact in between times? It seems like a long time, if not. What would happen with childcare/ school?

Perhaps, if there are no other concerns but the length of time, you could agree with your ex to work up to this length of time over time so that your daughter gets used to it?

However, if you have concerns about the length, then you should feel able to air these and have a proper discussion with your soon to be ex.

It should really be a negotiation between the two of you, based on what is best for your child and what you are both able to commit to around the other commitments in your life. But if he is getting nasty perhaps mediation would help.

balia · 05/05/2014 22:14

If he has always worked away then your DD is used to big gaps in between seeing Daddy so it might not be too bad - like giant says could it be something you work up to? Maybe start with 3 nights and then increase by a night each time? What would you prefer that would be practical with his working pattern?

financialwizard · 05/05/2014 22:19

Only thing I will say is you need to also be able to make it work when your lo starts school

Tottie24 · 09/05/2014 20:23

It is really hard. Have you asked you DC what they think? My recent exH works away in the winter then locally in the summers, now he is back he wants then to stay over one night every other weekend. Just this evening it came up in conversation as we are staying at a friends tomorrow night, my eldest Ds who has just turned 6 said he isn't ready to have a sleep over with his father yet. They have visited exH house, seen where they will be sleeping and been to toy shop to have chosen toys bought for them.... To be kept at daddy's house, yet they still don't want to stay. I'm happy about that, but obviously don't let them know that! I do think that they need to be built up to a week, especially at this age as it is a long time for them.

starlight1234 · 09/05/2014 22:18

I don't see how it can work with school. But I also think a week is a lot to start anyway.

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