dc going for a full day to exp abd new gfs house on Saturday. help me through please

[Daisypops]

That's it really.

Last time he saw them was 16 march for 40 mins

They've met his new girlf once when he took them to her house without my knowledge.

Im ok about it. Its taken me a while to get to been ok but I understand that the dc need ro to see their dad.

what I am struggling with is another woman 'playing mum' and them playing happy families.

I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach now its getting closer.

Any advice/ words of wisdom?

It's so hard isn't it? I can't stand ex or OW, and the thought of them playing happy families with DS... (I've raised DS alone since ex buggered off to live with OW and her kid)

The only way I get through it is to plan my time, see friends, keep busy and try not to think about it too much. Concentrate on the fact that your DC are having a lovely time (hopefully) and that no-one will ever replace you!

Thats exactly what im doing margot. I have a list of things I am going to do.

Dc1 didn't want to sleep over at all but now shes saying she would like to at some point which has sent me under. The mere thought if it has triggered my anxiety.

Dc2 is only 2 and a half so wont be sleeping over until exp has seen her regularly as he is in a different town and she has never stayed away from home

What makes it worse is how exp treat me (EA) . I know hes their dad but I am.mad at the thought of him playing happy families with the dc who I have raised alone because I finally got the strength to leave him. I feel very mad tonight. Focusing on whats best for the dc is what I am trying to do but I am emotionally drained.

When my ex settled with one woman I struggled. He'd has loads of girlfriends which didn't bother me but when one stuck around it was hard to think of her playing mum, as you say. But my husband told me to think of it as her spending time with a fun play worker at nursery or an aunt. It helped and I realised there are loads of people in DDs life who are important, and that's okay

I was once one of these new gf's. from my perspective I was never playing mum. I was dads gf and helped make sure she was looked after and having a good time. There was no doubt when dsd was little that mum was mum and no-one else.

It was odd after I left him to send dd off to him and his new gf when he met her. Fleetingly I had the feelings you all described - and I had met someone myself! So I think they are just perfectly normal feelings.

Dd is always pleased to be home and talks about just wanting a cuddle from mum at times when she finds it difficult there (loads of arguments and sm is vile to her). And when she has been there and ill she has just wanted her mum. I think there is no-one quite like mum, we are unique to our children.

I think too part of it is grieving for the life we thought we were going to have.

And believe me, step families are no walk in the park. Have a read of some of the threads in the step section. It's very often far from happy families.

I am on both sides of this now, I am the new GF and my DC only see their dad with his fiancé, who was OW when I was pregnant. It killed me when I had to accept the DC would be spending time with their dads GF initially. I know it seems impossible right now, but I am 2 years on and despite it being one of the worst periods of my life, I barely think about it now. Their dad is just a part of the routine now - e.o.w they see him and his DP. I've managed to switch off from the hurt and I can promise you my boys have no doubt about who their mummy is.

I also recently met my own DP's kids. Their mum isn't thrilled about it, but I completely empathise with her, and would never ever play happy families! From a purely practical point of view, it's not happy families anyway. It's much more like a playdate with any other single parent. Plus squabbles. It's exhausting! And while the kids all had fun, they didn't for a second see me as a mum figure any more than my DC see my DP as their dad. In fact his 6yo DD spent a long time telling me all about her amazing mummy and I was very happy to chat along with her.

The whole thing is definitely a grieving process, and it's not linear. I have had major setbacks along the way because I was grief stricken about losing the life I thought my DC deserved and that it was my fault or their dads fault... ultimately though, life has been rebuilt and we are all in a much better place. Give yourself a lot of time and space to feel what you need to feel. In time, you'll be able to imagine yourself with someone new too, and it won't be half as weird as it feels right now to picture that person in your own DC's lives.

It is quite hard at first when they go off to spend time with dad and his partner, that feeling was awful for me for months.
My ex recently got married and i imagined them all playing happy families and how the kids probably thought she was more fun than me etc etc..I think it's normal for mum's to feel like that when another woman is around.
It still niggles me a bit when they come home to me, esp my 2 year old when she goes on and on about the new wife
I realised that i had to over come it and keep thinking that if the new woman is nice and treats the kids well i have nothing to be negative about, but it really took me ages to think this way.

Thank you all for your replies. They really do help. I amdfeeling ok but I think ut will take a long time for ne to feel ok about it.
I never expected to be in this position and I feel guilty for my dc but ultimately I know I made the right decision as I am.much happier and as a result my children are. Its 18 months since we separated and I think I am still fragile from the EA. I feel like I'm . still the one who is suffering and hes moved on.

I will focus on my huge list of jobs and keep telling myself 'its good for the dc'

Sorry for the typos. And I meant 'it will take a long time for me to be be more than ok about it'