I'm sinking lower into depression and I cannot motivate myself to crawl back out

[Babs48]

2 DS's both under 3.

Ex left me when I was 5 weeks PG with DS2, just told me that his DM was coming to get his things and he is leaving.

I had to move back into my parents due to financial difficulties (Ex not paying anything towards DS).

My 'D'F started to physically and verbally abuse me so I had to seek refuge in a Hostel where I am at this present time.

I have no friends.

I have no family, none of which who want to visit anyway as I had to move away.

I have piled weight on as I saw food as a comfort, I had PND with DS1 and anxiety issues so I find it extremely difficult to be in social situations.

I have been raped twice in my teens and I have never got over it. I can't trust anyone and the only person who I trusted left me.

I want nothing more than to be a family again.

I have my DS's and I love them dearly but they do deserve a better life with a family who could provide for them, take them out and give them the stability they need.

I have nothing to offer them, I sit everyday on my own in this room. I am in my early 20's and I see no point in me being here, my DS's deserve more than I could ever give them and I feel guilty everyday at how low my life has become.

Oh do go to the doctors. I'm taking ads as a short term solution and they do help. You are not alone and you will survive. You are stronger than you know.

I'm scared of going to the doctors; I feel like they will judge me because of my weight and the fact that I have 2 healthy DS's and I still see no point in being here.

So sorry you're going through this. I second seeing your gp, APs massively helped me when I was in a bad patch. Could you ask for some counselling or help to deal with what happened as a teenager and your father's recent behaviour?

Your children don't need fancy things or expensive trips out. They need you and they're lucky to have you. Are there any parks near by? I can't afford to spend much on days out but my DD likes going to see the ducks as much as anything.

x posts. They won't judge you, if you tell them what you've been through recently they will understand. You've been through so much, be kind to yourself

Please call Samaritans

Talk it through.

Then tomorrow call gp and health visitor and ask about practical support . You can do this.