Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

Original poster

2 last names?

15 replies

foolsrushin · 25/04/2014 10:06

Even though my ex wants nothing to do with the baby I want to give him/her his last name and my last name and not hyphenate them. What does everyone else think?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

foolsrushin · 25/04/2014 10:09

I just want baby to know where he is from and was also thinking of using his name as a middle name instead. Then just use my surname as a last name

OP posts:

AgentSchraeder · 25/04/2014 10:12

Personally I wouldn't (and didn't). He wants nothing to do with your precious child and you're going to honour him by giving him his name? The guy sounds like a waste of space if he wants nothing to do with the child he helped make. Your child is from you, give him your name

AgentSchraeder · 25/04/2014 10:18

You should also think about things like holidays. If this guy is going to be on the birth certificate (which I don't recommend if he's already said he doesn't want to be involved. Biggest mistake of my life, putting ex on the birth cert and giving him parental responsibility) then you may potentially run into all kinds of problems at border control, you could need to get court orders to take your own child on holiday if ex isn't willing to give you written permission.

Cupid5tunt · 25/04/2014 10:23

If it's what you want to do then do it. I think a middle name would be the better option. Assuming you're pregnant? Congratulations

Original poster

foolsrushin · 25/04/2014 10:27

Good points made there thank you. I will not be inviting him to come register the baby but as my research suggests if he applies he will be granted his name going on there anyway. I won't be putting barriers purposely in his way but I won't be informing him of anything thats going on. I won't be telling him when I give birth or when I go to registrar. I've thought long and hard and am just deciding whether its in babys best interest to have dads name as well as mine. Believe me I won't be doing anything to either spite him or make his life easy. He doesn't deserve this baby and he will have to go through the proper channels to be a dad. You know when you are just trying to do the right thing by your baby and you aren't sure what that is?

OP posts:

Ruushii · 25/04/2014 11:53

Only you can decide really. If he doesn't bother, is the child going to be happy saddled with the name of a man who doesn't give a shit? Does the double surname make it a mouthful and a hassle? Will you be travelling abroad because you'll have problems at borders especially if he doesn't bother so you can't get a letter from him?

In my opinion though, a baby will know where he's from without sharing a surname with a man who doesn't want him. That's what the birth certificate is for or conversations with his mother. He doesn't need name stamping too.

Star8369 · 25/04/2014 20:14

I double barrelled my youngest daughters name (mine then dads) I wish I hadnt now as he left in the middle of the night not long before she was 3 then saw them sporadically until October 2011 and hasnt seen her since

starlight1234 · 25/04/2014 22:01

I can only say I like having the same surname as my son... It makes life much less complicated for many reasons

Steelojames · 25/04/2014 22:18

I was in your exact position and didn't hesitate and gave my son my last name.
Having his dad's last name I feel would be a dishonour, I nurtured my son in the womb, and I have fed, clothed and done everything else for him so naturally my name he should get.
When he is older he will be able to find out where he comes from, & giving him my last name wouldn't stop that.

FlatCapAndAWhippet · 25/04/2014 23:06

I wouldn't. Under your circumstances and with my experience I would strongly advise you against it. I think both you and at some point your child would regret it.

FlatCapAndAWhippet · 25/04/2014 23:06

I wouldn't. Under your circumstances and with my experience I would strongly advise you against it. I think both you and at some point your child would regret it.

Pregnantberry · 25/04/2014 23:29

If you think you might go on to regret it, don't.

If, in a few years, you have an amicable relationship with your ex, he sees her more often, and you feel more sure about including his name, then you can always change it to be double barreled then.

On the other hand, if you double barrel it now, and he turns out to be an absolute monster like you never imagined in a few years, it is unlikely you would be able to change it back to just your surname if he objected because courts only give consent to this in exceptional circumstances.

So, you will probably only be given the chance to make this choice once and if you include him there may not be any going back. Think carefully and absolutely do not be rushed or pressured into it.

bluedolphin12 · 28/04/2014 22:54

I would give the baby your surname.my dd dad left us when she was 8 wks old-we had registered her with his surname.Now she is the only person in the family with a different surname-although maybe strangely at 8yo she doesn't and never has questioned it?!And she never sees him.
Also on our last couple of holidays abroad, we have been stopped at passport control and she has been questioned as to who shes travelling with and I have been advised to carry her birth certificate!!

nikki1391 · 01/05/2014 18:03

give the baby your surname

HeyBungalowBill · 01/05/2014 18:17

Personally OP I'd say to give your baby your surname.
This man has already decided he wants nothing to do with your child, so I don't feel giving your baby his surname as a last or middle name is a good idea.

Like a pp said if in future he becomes a dedicated dad who really cares for the baby and makes and effort his name can always be added.

My advice is seriously don't put his name on the birth certificate and don't give your baby his surname. I really think you'll regret it.

The best decision I ever made was to give DS my surname, I'd be heart broken if he had his dads as he has no contact (they cba to come see my DS) with his dads family. He has contact with his dad who swaps from a good dad to a dad who can't be bothered from week to week!

Protect yourself and your baby!

I always think it could matter to DS too when he's older. To have a families surname he has nothing to do with could make him feel left out, having my surname connects him further with the grandparents and uncle who adore him

Flip