whats, whens & wheres of relationships?

[chloeb2002]

Ok so i have posted a couple of times so here goes some may be a bit repeated. The story goes single mum of DD now 18 mnts old, ex partner has never seen her, other than court day for dna test order...oh the hoys of leagl stuff! however except for CSA still underway all the nitty gritty is done and dusted. His name is rightlyon her birth certificate and we have a great relationship with GP's. Ex is still in Australia and im in the UK... hardworking student nurse. However all said and done its been 3 years since ex even spoke to me and dosent aknowledge DD. So part of me feels perhaps time has come to launch into the real world of dating again? But when is too soon? Do you ever lose the feeling that somehow the door should be left open for ex to play a role in our lives. We will be back in Australia in 3 years time, living in the same area (Secondment to from local area health) so anyone got any been there done it advice? I know he hasmoved on last heard of to a 19 year old.... hes 32... bought fast car etc.... doesnt pay maintainace...but will have to soon. I suspected a midlife crisis and still do, but i dontlove him in any way afetr all this and regardless of his attitude send relevant cards from DD. So any advice??? I have the option i add of giving someone my number, dont know if he'd be intersted a friend of a friend, who they think is... if that makes sense, but he has no kids and i have a problem working out why a poor student nurse with DD should appeal? Not claudia schiffer either
so about it.... suggestions?

Hi chloe

I'd suggest that if you feel like going on a date (or three!), then go for it, it's as simple as that.

Your ex will always play some kind of role in yours and dd's lives just because he is her father, but this has no bearing on you dating or forming new relationships if you want to.

It sounds like your confidence has taken a few knocks from your last remark (why should you appeal etc) - why shouldn't you appeal?! I haven't found the fact of having children any kind of obstacle in attracting the opposite sex since my marriage ended 5 years ago. I had a 3 year relationship with a man who had 2 children of his own, but am now living with dp who has no children and he's a very loving partner and step-dad to my kids.

There are no rules about when the time is right - just go with what you feel, be gentle on yourself and have fun

Definitely go for it - I love dating!!

I have so much fun. Just get out, do things you enjoy and see if you meet anyone interesting along the way

You must go for it - sounds like he is doing the same! Time for some fun for you!

Just out of interest - if your ex hasn't spoken to you for 3 years yet you have 18 month old dd....???? Or did I get that wrong?

Go for it.

opps countess dracular meant to hit the number 2! so two years and not a word! anyway have had the lecture on not jumping into bed with a partner when the relationship isnt good.... so like many before me im sure i wont be the last! so going to take the plunge... figure that life is too short. Self confidence is somewhere in my boots! but im sure that it is on the up so ill give the dating life a go again! Quite rightly he is doing the same and i owe him nothing! the only hard part is that he is looking for all and any excuses to excuse the disgusting way he has treated me and his daughter.... i guess i have to face the fact that this will be another tool he will use, i guess it will be pulling the 'well you never cared about me really ' line at some point! oh i can hear it now... however i dont think that is good enough reason to become a saint! Thanks.....

chloe, it's none of his business if you are seeing someone else, so please don't concern yourself with what he thinks!

I have always said that my sons dad was part of my family and would never for any trivial or petty reasons deny him access or anything.
I kept my private life very private and like you he was in NZ and I was in UK
when I finally knew I had to move on totally I found the man of my dreams without hardly looking.
We have a baby together now aged 16 mths my older one is 10 yrs old now, I was alone for 7 of his years, I treasure them.
I am no supermodel, I worked hard but never earned an awful lot.
You need some self esteem build up young lady!
Having kids makes no one less wanted trust me...
Relax and trust yourself, you sound like you have your head screwed on just right
Smile and enjoy life

Just spotted this (and lone parents topic - great and about time too!).

I am really curious about how others manage to meet new men - I have one ds aged 4 and work 4 full days and frankly altho. I am bored and lonely with every evening on my own in front of the telly I have very little energy left to put into going out at all, let alone hunting for a bloke (organising and paying for babysitter, possible late night - i.e. later than 9pm...). Added to that I wouldn't have a clue where to look!

How do you do it? Also I'm 41 so a bit long in the tooth for the clubbing options.

Go and get drunk in Brighton.

I don't know, any tips welcome...

Brighton? Did something happen in Brighton Sykes? Pray tell!

Wow thanks Sykes that is SO helpful.

Go on a meet up

What's a meet-up? Are you talking about a Mumsnet meet-up, or do other people do them!?

Sheila, not a clue! Sorry to be so uninspiring...

Well, my love life is complicated enough but I suggest just going out with your mates and go chat up some bloke. Remember not all blokes are going to run a mile when they find out you have a child. They're not all shallow pricks looking for just one thing that brought you your little bundle of joy in the first place! Just be confident in yourself and have fun trying to find someone. You could always try those personnel ads you find in newspaper. Been trying to set my mum up on one of them lol.

SPEED-DATING is also an option, it's very good and incredibly good fun... plus a huge ego boost!!