Ex access day activities

[Culturalmum]

As a sgl mum I often find my X's idea of quality time with his daughter differs from mine. Why doesn't he 'do' something with her instead of just watch the TV. This used to introduce xtra friction into our meetings and now he sees much less of her (since I returned to UK)I often end up suggesting activities & accompanying both of them to get him out of my house. Its an odd situation I know, but my daughter appreciates it. Anyway, why does he never look at free events at galleries, museums etc and think of her? Am I alone in flng this would help my stress levels if I saw him being proactive? Do other fathers behave the same? And of they don't, where do THEY get their ideas from?

My Xh is the same, he does do things with the kids but has his Mum with him (or occaisionally the gf ) his idea of a trip out is to the pictures!

Culturalmum, why does he have your dd in your home? Can he not have contact elsewhere? (I know these things are sadly often not straightforward.)

To be frank I think what he does with the time he has contact with your dd is none of your business (unless he is endangering/neglecting/ abusing your dd,obviously). This is the time that x and dd need to bond and form a relationship and you cannot force it. Your dd will make up her own mind about him by his actions. Why do you think that he doesn't think to do these things? Have you talked to him about it? Could you talk to him?

Best wishes, it isn't easy negotiating these things.

He lives in Ireland so when he flies over for the day he has access to my house and car for my daughter's sake. I'd rather he left the house and went out, but sometimes the pair of them just flop and go nowehere, especially if its raining. At the beginning he'd asked me to send him info of things to do, but he isnt the sort of bloke to motivate himself for somebody elses benefit. If he takes her swimming, he only stays in an hour! It just breaks my heart that she has watched him sleep on his access days.

It might just be a man thing Culturalmum. My dh used to have to see his dd for day visits before building up to overnight and week long stays. It was me who used to come up with all the ideas, trawl the internet for things to do local to her. Come to think of it, it's the same with our own dd, it's always me that arranges the days out, holidays, etc not him.

Fair play to your x though if he makes the effort to come all the way from Ireland by plane just for the day to see his dd. Loads of fathers don't bother and they only live round the corner. Do you think he might be tired after an early start? Or does he do shifts or anything that he might be tired from?

How old is your dd? Has she commented that she wished he'd do more with her or is she just pleased to see here Dad? It might be bothering you more than her.

You're probably right. I holiday with a group of mum's and kids who I met on a holiday with Small Families (who are brilliant by the way) and she is aware that some kids never see their dads at all. He has her at half terms and as long as he wants at other holidays and she feels that she does rather well. When I was particularly upset about it once she pointed this out to me!