How do you cope with Disney dads?

[17leftfeet]

He's got one of the dc for the first week of the holiday (oldest one is refusing to go but that's another story)

She's rung me up today because she's so excited that she is going to the cinema and a theme park and swimming this week as well as going for a sleepover at her grandmas for 2 nights

I struggle to put food in the table and clothes on their backs so no way can I afford all these trips out

I used my nectar points to take dd1 to the cinema so she gets to do something this week but I'm so annoyed

Feels like he's doing it to rub mine and dd1s noses in it

be thankful that she is getting some treats and you do not have to pay for them.

plan some cheap treats for when she gets home,

how old is she?

annoying though that he is not supporting her properly in between..

They don't really care about days out, but it's nice that she can have these treats.

If your eldest would go as well for a week then you could save what you'd normally spend on their food etc and take them both out in the second week?

Are you paid via the CSA? Are you getting everything you should from him?

In terms of maintenance he is paying what he was when he had both girls 3 nights alternate weekends and 2 weeks of school holidays across the year

He hasn't had dd1 since January and it doesn't look like that situation has changed

He has said if I try and get any more money out of him he will drag his heels with the csa which means I would get nothing off him for months -yes he would owe it in back pay but it would drop me in it in the short term

It is nice that dd2 gets treats but I feel bad that I'm the boring one that always says no
Dd1 is not going to agree to see her dad any time soon and I can't say I blame her

Dd1 is 13, dd2 is 10

Maybe it's worth a call to the CSA to see if what he says is true? It might be that you still get paid whilst you ask for a review?

If there is already a claim in place and you inform them of a change in the number of nights he has them but he disputes the information then you will continue to receive the rate you currently receive whilst they investigate this. That's great if he currently pays by deduction of earnings but if he pays you direct or CSA direct he may make things difficult by refusing to pay.

P.s we take the kids to the cinema on a Saturday or Sunday morning. Odeon and Empire cinemas do the cheap kids showings for £1 or £2 a seat! Check their websites and see where your nearest one is. Empire also do a deal on Tuesdays whereby all seats are cheaper than usual (half price I think) even for the new releases! :)

He pays direct at the moment

Unfortunately there isn't an odeon or empire near me

Vue do it too!

Well if he pays direct then, as you say, his threat of making your life difficult if you tell CSA of the changes is easier for him to action. He will obviously have to back pay it, they may even make a deduction of earnings order but it leaves you with no CSA money for however many months it takes.

What about playing the "long game" and over the next few months et yourself plenty of "proof" of the number of nights he has/doesn't have the children. Emails texts etc all count. When you do report the change to CSA and he denies it and disagrees then it will get to appeal and maybe tribunal then this evidence will prove what you've said is correct and he will have no evidence as he is lying. In the meantime could you try and save up for a few months to have some out by in preparation for when you inform the CSA of the change if (when) he stops paying. What an nasty man