Struggling a bit

[Amberwasred1969]

Long time lurker. I'm struggling with it all at the moment. I'm a lone parent to a grown up son. I feel like I have no one to talk to. It's nothing specific even, I just feel isolated. My mum is dragging me down, after my dad died 13 years ago she has dependent on me for her emotional support and gets quite angry and sarcastic if I'm not there to give it when she needs it. Her brother is very sick, he is 89 and in another country. She phones me and gets very angry if the hospital hasn't given her the information she needs, she then takes that out on me. She is very passive aggressive. Her other brother has dementia and is also in another country. For some reason she has control through court over his finances and she finds this overwhelming but won't let me help. I have offered so many times. It's exhausting and I'm constantly walking on eggshells trying to keep her happy, never saying how I feel, always ensuring she is ok. I have one brother who lives a wonderful life on the other side of the world but is no help or support. All he does is moan about my mum to me. I have no other relatives and I live 70 miles from my mum.
I have a partner who I have been seeing for 10 months. It's serious in that we are committed but he has his own problems. He is hugely in dept lives one month to the next and hates his job. He also lives about an hour away. I feel like I'm the organise of the relationship, I organise the weekends away, plan social stuff etc. I want to be supportive to him and he is a good partner, loving, kind and he always fair. However I do feel like I am doing the work of the relationship.
My son is independent and lives an hour away from me at college. He is great however I do still worry about him and I need to financially support him a little, which is fine.
I work full time and took a salary cut after I had a breakdown last year (lower level job). My mum knows nothing about the breakdown (she has no reaction. I had cancer 9 years ago and she never mentions it) but my son and partner do and were v supportive.
I have found lately that I have been more tearful and wanting to spend time on my own. I have friends but I feel they want to talk about their problems and I always feel their problems are greater than mine.
I'm sorry this post is long and self indulgent.

Seems like you are a prop for a lot of people, without having much in the way of support of your own. Your mum sounds draining, mine has similarish issues, and it is hard when they want to moan, but won't let you help. I don't have much in the way of helpful suggestions...maybe a bit lame, but would it help to take up a yoga class, or an evening class of some sort? Distract you a bit? x

You sound just like me about 6 months ago!
I find the key is limiting contact and having the same answer for a lot of moans ie "Well, it's their choice" "It's in the past and I can't change it" etc. Try to set a specific time and day to make time for her, and make a list of really important, exciting things to tell her about your and your children's week and when half an hour has gone by of your really positive conversation, say that you've got to go.

Time for yourself is really important - I like walks and give myself £100 million to spend - gives me an hour or so totally away from the world. I also intermittently go to classes like burlesque and pole - something that's 100% for me.

I also explained to my mum that her tone makes her sound like she's blaming me and over time, she's adjusted that so that now, I hardly get it at all.

She sounds like she also needs a good support network. Maybe find some info about U3A and mail her some bumph? ;)