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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

I am a contact blocker

55 replies

daisy0chain · 17/03/2014 19:31

Obviously I am since my DD doesn't see her Dad.

Ooooor it could be that he's a waster who wants nothing to do with her! I have just been told that I deliberately block contact by ExHs family member.

Why is it that even though as the single parent doing everything, paying for everything, still working and basically doing the bloody best I can I am still viewed as the one in the wrong?

And then there is my ex who is probably pissed in a ditch, who doesn't pay a penny towards his child and rarely (if ever) actually works. The same man who turned up to contact drunk, the same man who said he doesn't care one bit for our child, the same bloody man that has done nothing for her in the almost 3 years since she was born.

Anyone else feel that no matter what you do there will always be those who despite all the evidence to the contrary will blame you?

Rant over (sorry!)

OP posts:

Monetbyhimself · 17/03/2014 20:17

Yeah that's it Lady. I think I managed to parenterally alienate Ex once when he was over 100miles away with the kids. Fell out with DD over a game of monopoly ( he's obsessed with cheating winning) The row was my fault apparently. Part of my grand master plan to alienate the alien

LadyMaryLikesCake · 17/03/2014 20:18

Wow, there's web sites for it! I've no idea whether I am or not, I haven't heard. I think I'm just a money grabbing contact blocker not that I give a shit .

Monetbyhimself · 17/03/2014 20:20

LadyMary 'I' am the proud owner of a dossier of emails from alienator websites. Ex sent them regularly for a while. He took some copies to court once. That was memorable. I've never seen a judge turn purple before

Original poster

daisy0chain · 17/03/2014 20:23

Haha oh yes money grabbing - that's me too, except I get no CM

Some of these have made me laugh. Monet you must be bloody good to have engineered that one!

OP posts:

LadyMaryLikesCake · 17/03/2014 20:23

Excellent!

Do none of these knob head's see that they are the problem? (I'm not alienating him here, ds isn't reading this)

LadyMaryLikesCake · 17/03/2014 20:25

Can the CSA not help, daisy? They should take a token £5 out of his JSA. They can add up over time and you can treat your DD.

Original poster

daisy0chain · 17/03/2014 20:34

He works cash in hand occasionally or if what I am lead to believe is correct is making money of some illegal extra curricular activities so he isn't claiming JSA.

He has been working the last couple of weeks and CMS have tracked down his work place however if the past is anything to go on he'll be back not working in a week or two.

OP posts:

stubbornstains · 17/03/2014 20:34

I'm not quite a "parental alienator"- instead, I'm an unwilling protagonist in Great Works of Fiction.

Oh.....so you made a little wooden car for DS's first birthday, and left it on our doorstep, did you? Only to find it in a charity shop in a nearby town a couple of weeks later (insert sadface)?

Funny, because you arranged to meet up and have a talk with my mum (you remember, when she became disgusted with your lies and attempts to badmouth me to her, and walked out?) a couple of days after this alleged occurrence, and completely failed to mention it...

LadyMaryLikesCake · 17/03/2014 20:41

What you need to do is some detective work, daisy. Is he showing pictures of his new purchases on facebook? If so you can report him to the CSA for having a lifestyle inconsistent with his income (it means he's pulling a fast one). They can do a variation on the amount that they should deduct from his income to take his hidden income into account.

Mine's a Great Work of Fiction too! According to his mother he only stopped paying maintenance for a few months (more like a year and a half), after this he set up a bank account for ds and it's all there for him (which is why we're waiting for the arrears). I think they are all fiction writers in a way.

DollyTwat · 17/03/2014 20:42

Oh I'm the cause of all of the awful things my ex has done to my dc, making it my fault they don't like him

He likes to call Social Services on a regular basis too, because I'm an awful mother. They surprisingly never have any actions.

He's a laugh a minute my ex

DollyTwat · 17/03/2014 20:44

It's quite cathartic this thread, thank you op

Original poster

daisy0chain · 17/03/2014 20:45

The good thing is the CMS didn't even need that. They estimated his earning by what he did before and they have been accruing at approx £54 a week. Not sure what the new income is yet and if it's changed but the arrears stay the same.

I'm an unwilling protagonist in Great Works of Fiction I like this.

OP posts:

Original poster

daisy0chain · 17/03/2014 20:46

You are very welcome Dolly it's been a rather therapeutic evening after that phone call. Sometimes all that's need is a good moan with people in a similar situation to yourself isn't it?

OP posts:

NigellasDealer · 17/03/2014 20:48

oh yes dolly when our children were small, he would phone and tell me that he was coming say, at 12 on saturday. The little ones would get all excited, come 1pm there would be no sign and he would switch off his phone.
then they would get all upset, so that was a fun afternoon.
then perhaps the next day when his phone was back on again, i would say to him 'why did you let them down yesterday?'
"oh no" he would say, "it was YOU who let them down as it was YOU who told them i was coming!"

and they kind of remember all this! and yet when he sees them (about once every 2 years) he tells them that 'always prevented him seeing them'

NigellasDealer · 17/03/2014 20:48

*that I always prevented etc...

Original poster

daisy0chain · 17/03/2014 20:51

Eugh what a bloody horrible excuse for a parent he sounds Nigella.

I am glad in a way that my ex has no contact at all. It means he'll never let her down in that way.

My heart breaks for those little kids left waiting.

OP posts:

NigellasDealer · 17/03/2014 20:53

actually it was tragic for them yes your dd will not have that which is good.
of course anything 'wrong' with my kids now is all my fault according to school, him, my family, his family.....

Original poster

daisy0chain · 17/03/2014 20:56

Of course. It's so easy to blame the one who has actually been there and done all the hard graft isn't it. Maybe if they walked a day in your shoes they would realise how difficult it can be for someone trying their best to navigate parenthood alone.

OP posts:

LadyMaryLikesCake · 17/03/2014 21:03

Mine would turn up... with a day's notice (he doesn't live in the UK), to see ds for an hour. If we already had plans he'd demand that we cancelled them so that he could see ds. We had paid for train tickets and had organised a day in London a few years ago and he called the night before demanding to see ds. It was my fault for being busy. He's always hungover and stinks of stale beer. He's fallen asleep in the cinema with ds before too. I'm quite happy ds is old enough to make his own decisions.

Monetbyhimself · 17/03/2014 22:16

The script rarely varies much

LadyMaryLikesCake · 17/03/2014 22:33

Roll on a child's independence, that's the only way we don't have to see muppets like this again (the ex's, not the DC).

I hope you're OK, Monet

Lonecatwithkitten · 17/03/2014 23:04

I'm a contact blocker as I said it had to be supervised after DD revealed to school CP officer that he and OW were verbally abusing her when they were drunk.
I have alienated DD too as he never drinks when he has her, so your drink driving arrest and subsequent conviction with DD in the car which is on court record is a figment of the court's imagination?

Also I revealed to DD why we split, which was my decision too. Umm no I told you to leave after you supposedly tried to fix our relationship, but refused to give up OW. Oh and the reason DD knows why we split is that you and OW had a 'sleepover' with DD there 5 days after you left.
Don't forget that OW trusts you so little that she hasn't allowed you to spend any time alone with DD in 18months she has to be there all the time. And all of this is my fault. Oh and I caused you to loose your job after the DD conviction.

Monetbyhimself · 17/03/2014 23:05

I'm fine thank you

It's good to share experiences with others going through similar. Just a shame we spend our lives picking up the pieces for our babies.

SpinningFates · 17/03/2014 23:25

My DSis sent a letter to her ex to sort out contact. He wrote back a nasty letter stating that "there was no court in the land that could stop him seeing his son".

Dsis and DN haven't seen him over twenty years.

MeMySonAndI · 18/03/2014 01:07

Me too, apparently, easier to say I'm blocking contact than to explain he is a rubbish dad.

With time, I have stopped caring what people think or says.

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