Depressed with my life

[sunshine247]

I have two beautiful children but just don't feel like I can give them the life they deserve no matter how hard I try.

I work part time in retail and have applied to re-train as a nurse but juggling work and childcare is already a struggle and doing shift work will be a nightmare as I have very little support so I don't know if that's going to work out.

I am determined to earn a better salary and give my kids a better future however I always hit a brick wall whenever I try to progress in life as I struggle to do everything by myself (which is impossible) and feel that I am never going to amount to anything.

As a result I smoke a lot and have got myself in a lot of debt by gambling hoping for that one chance of luck to win big and secure a comfortable future for my family.

Each day I am getting more depressed with my life and feel to just run away and hide hoping my problems will go away, its only because of my kids why I struggle to carry on each day.

The few friends I have are lucky to have family to help with childcare or are content being on benefits which is something that I do not want to do and I don't feel comfortable speaking to my family as I am embarrassed about the situation I am in.

I have considered asking my kids dad to have them for a period of time (maybe 6 months) so I can work and sort out all my debt as well as try to save for their future but I don't know if I could bare to be away from them for so long.

Sorry for ranting on I just needed to write how I am feeling and hope to receive some helpful advice.

Thanks for reading.

didn't want to read and run but not sure I have the right advice...have u tried the CAB re the debt and helping you to sort things out? have u seen GP re depression? you truely sound like you are trying to do your best by dcs. its ok to say you need help .
I hope someone else maybe can shed more light on it for u. good luck. there's always a way to make things better

Hi Sunshine, sorry to hear you are feeling so low. I am a lone parent with no family support and juggling work and children is difficult and also expensive. It sounds like you have some beliefs which are holding you back.

In terms of practical help I would see if you could access some counselling for yourself and also ring a debt organisation like stepchange.org.

Could the father of your children help out on a more regular basis rather than a long block of 6 months. I think your children would miss you and that would be a difficult thing to do as you already feel you would struggle with that length of time away from them.

Is there anytime left for you to do something you enjoy every week? ie swimming or whatever you have an interest in?

I think the GP would be a good first port of call ? Is it possible to defer the nursing course for a year so you feel better about your life in general? Things will improve but when you are at a low ebb it is hard to see how. Good luck.

I'm a lone parent, juggling work and life without family support nearby though DS sees his dad a fair amount, even if only for very short bursts, and it makes a big difference. I agree with duvet that asking your ex to pitch in for small amounts of time on a regular basis could be a huge help. It gives you a bit of breathing space.

It sounds like you're a bit overwhelmed by everything at the moment and the way out of it might be to break it all down into chunks and tackle it bit by bit.

Getting some help would be great - debt help and counselling - because, even just by setting up those appointments, you are taking back control of your life. Those services will be able to help you make changes and maybe offer advice. Sometimes when you're in the situation you can't see the wood for the trees and it needs an outside eye to point you in other directions.
Hope that things turn around for you soon.

How old are they? How often does their dad have them?

I would definitely knock the gambling on the head, it's a false economy. Maybe just buy a lotto ticket instead?

I understand you and sounds a little like Depression. Stay strong and remember that there is good help avaliable. Go to your GP.
Please stay positive and God Bless. Alsoat times it feels like you are the only one suffering it, but its quite common. Hope x