Happy being single???

[Ange1972]

I'm 41 and have an 11 year d DS. 8 years ago ex had an affair, ran off and is still with the witch, sorry, tart, sorry.... Woman, he left me for. I lost everything as I work part time and was in no way able to afford out mortgage. Very traumatic time, found it worse than losing my dad, but slowly managed to get myself back on track. Moved back to the town I lived in, pre-ex, ie home! In 8 years I've had a few disastrous liaisons and one 'proper' relationship which, when I think back, makes me gip to think of as he was an alcoholic (tho I didn't know it at the time!!).

Anyway is these 8 long years I've yearned for different things, mainly money as very hard finanancially and just coming to the end of a very long IVA!!! But it has taken me the aforementioned 8 years to realise I'm blissfully happy bring ME! Would obviously love more money and that is usually the root of my stress and unhappiness. I finally, at my ripe old age (!!) feel happy in my skin and not willing to put up with bulls**t and second best. Feel confident even tho I could do with losing some weight, and comfortable on my own. I'm certainly not anti men and if the right one came along I would certainly embrace it. I have a job I love and although it's hard juggling my son with work (I have no family help) it's getting there.

Most of my married friends moan about their other halves and where once I would've been really envious I now smile smugly and think to myself how lucky I am not to put up with some of the stuff they moan about. At least when and if I get a fella if he doesn't add a positive impact on my life he can jog on!!!

With valentines day up onus, does anyone else feel the same??? Bed to myself, eat and watch what u want, wear what I want, son gets lots if positive attention and is growing up into a fine young man. Have a real laugh and challenges at work not missing social interaction.

Please tell me I'm not alone?? Haha

Well clearly it is just me then lol.

Very strange (serendipitous?) that I came across this resurrected thread.
I'm about to split up from DP and it was just what I needed to read!
I have a 10 yo dd from previous relationship, 22 month ds, and currently 8/40 pregnant

Yes. I love being single and it would take a very very special guy to change that. Even if I did meet someone amazing I can't see myself wanting to live with him for a really long time ever
The only thing I miss is sex. I have been dating but I think I'm looking in the wrong places as the sex I have had has been pretty rubbish. I would kill to find a good fuck buddy, but its slim pickings I find

Yes casual sex offers sex but as to whether it is decent or not it does vary a great deal doesn't it!

Only need a man for sex plus DIY. For DIY I just book a handyman. For sex there are casual supply options online without emotional entanglements.

I am not emotionally shut down or bitter - which people wrongly assume I am - I just prefer independence!

I wouldn't mind a lover i.e. one day a month with a bit of romance thrown in but no expections on either side i.e. the guy wouldn't have to call me up or pursue me.

I hate all that waiting for them to call lark. Simply can't stand it these days. How I put up with it when I was younger I don't know!

I feel I am well off out of it and find it pretty sad that we are in the minority but I know I am happier alone. Others really do not know what they are missing!

I bloody love being single! When people ask why im single I respond 'because I choose to be'. They dont understand!

3 years I have been single, the first year was very hard but now I enjoy it. I have my girls for company and when they are in bed I get to relax and do what I want! My bills have halved! It would take someone amazing to change my mind!!

When people ask why am I single I feel like asking 'Why are you married'.

I find it really annoying and intrusive!

I'm going to do that the next time someone asks me!!

The trouble is people who are married often think it is the most preferred lifestyle choice and simply don't get our preference and great love of independence.

Like I say they really don't know what they are missing!

Pretty much every female friend of mine moans like mad about their oh. I just say 'this is why I love being single' and go home all smug because I love my life! I have no one to moan about and that feels good ;)

I love being single, I've been on my own since I was 22 (when DD was born) and I'm now 29. I had a small dalliance that lasted 2 years but was very casual only saw each other about twice a month.

My DM is constantly trying to set me up with people and doesn't quite get that I like being on my own. Admittedly I could do with a few friends as I don't really have anyone close to chat to but I've never really had a really close friend, I'm lazy at keeping up with it but would like someone to go to the pictures with but that's it. I live on my own, own my own home I'm doing alright and don't think I could live with anyone any way I'm far too independent and stubborn.

Only downside is that I would quite like another child and they tend to have to come with men attached!

I am happily divorced.
I love living alone.
I'm also in a LDR which works brilliantly. If things work out we'll be together in 2 years.
But at the moment I love waking up on my own

And also, you have to be very careful who you let into your life and home with lo's.

A friend of mine is looking into sperm donation for her 2nd dc. Its surprising how hard it is to find sperm these days! If I didnt have 2 already I would defo do it :)

So nice to hear I'm not the only one, split from sons dad 2 years ago after 20 years together and the first year alone was difficult, my son is 5 and is non verbal and has autism, his dad is not in the picture at all.
But, I am so content these days, my friends and family have commented about how calm and chilled out I am these days. I really do not want another relationship, love making my own decisions and just thinking about ds and myself. I do miss sex but as I can't get anyone to watch ds, even a casual dalliance is out of the question.
I see friends staying in relationships where they are obviously not happy and can't understand why they don't leave and be alone but they seem scared of the unknown (ie being alone). Wish everyone could see that being alone does not equal being unhappy, I'm the complete opposite!

Great to get everyone's views I just wish I knew some independent single women I only know 3 really where I live in this location, two at the spiritual group I go to and one other who doesn't go out socialising as she is unwell.

I might have to join the meet up group locally here where I live by spring next year as I am desperate to meet some interesting single women and I know barely any they must be out there somewhere! So we can share our happiness together :).

I don't know any single women either, everyone I know is coupled up, some happily, some not so happily. Great idea to join a meet up group, unfortunately, I can't do that as I have my son full time and due to his autism he isn't good with new situations but I'm ok with that, I'm sure as he gets older I will have the opportunity to get out and meet people.

I know not all of these couples are happy. Apart from general fear of being on their own (and I am not sure why as after a couple of years you have more than got the hang of it) I really do not think many people can afford to live on their own these days and that is why there would appear to be less single parents around than the media would have us believe.

We really need to be happy with ourselves first and work on our own wellbeing and hopefully we are all in that place. I feel I am.

Wow, funny how this is a refreshed thread, I think just popped into my active today ....for a reason.

Currently seperating. Finding things tough. Was very close to the brink of calling it off, and just living through the dead marriage that we have as I just cannot bring myself to telling the dc, and devastating their whole world.

And I am scared of the loneliness.....

But reading this now, really gives me the hope that I am needing right now.

Thanks Flower.....

I chose to be a single parent.

I definitely don't want to meet anyone: when I went down this route I knew I was committing to my child and not a man. Money is hard, though.

Pleased to hear this thread is spurring a few of us along :)

As others have said- it's spooky this coming up again-
I've posted on divorced thread about how one feels/renews their sense of self esteem- courage- etc after coming out the other side of divorce a little windswept!!

There's so many points on here that are true for me, even just the basics of when being home alone I don't have to make any effort - except for my son an I so if we wanna be in pjs and scruffy we can- it's all those little things I've forgotten- I kinda thought I should be out there have lots of wild sex, clubbing, excercising, Botox etc at the ripe age of 40- but doing a full time job an childcare (aside from it not being in my nature) it's plenty just to be happy about deciding what colour I'd like to paint the living room and not waiting on opinion/thoughts from an oh.
So thank you for resurrecting this thread at a timely moment for me !

Apologies to anybody reading this who is in a couple but it often strikes me that those living with a partner are less strong emotionally and more dependent as a person. Of course that doesn't apply to all women with relationships but that said most single parents who aren't dating/cohabiting are quite happy single and much stronger as a person emotionally.....

When I first became a single parent a friend said I would end up a stronger person and she was absolutely bang on.

It isn't widely known in society that there are many advantages to being single as it would offend the patriarchy. The establishment does not wish it to be known that there are many benefits to not depending on a man for happiness. That some women can quite capably raise children on their own better than with a man''s ' help'. It offends the system and renders men superfluous to requirements.

Your story sounds slit like mine. My husband left me while pregnant for someone and sold our house which I couldn’t afford without him. I have been on my own for ten years and I get lonely but I enjoy just living without all the extra drama. The support that you should get with a partner I miss and I do feel sometimes that I have missed out but most of the time I do feel like I enjoy the time without a partner. Well done to you. It always makes me feel good when I hear another women standing strong alone.

Funny the good things I found when I became single. it's much less expensive with no man around wanting to swap perfectly good 3yo cars for the latest models. Or wanting a new fence because next door have one.
Not having to compete on everything from scrabble to jogging. Being able to stop after two glasses of wine if I want to. Eating mushroom risotto occasionally without anyone complaining that there's no meat. Helping my Ds with his homework without anyone moaning.
It all sounds so petty but the freedom to relax in my own home and not be criticised is bliss.
At some point I might meet a nice man but I'm in no hurry. Being single is hard to beat.

Yes I love being single I wouldn't swap it for the world. Men are very different from us and although I don't mind them as platonic friends I don't need anything more than that. I only need them for casual sex! I have a platonic friend who is good with diy/decorating and car advice etc. and I pay him for any work as do his other friends. I have a few contacts from dating sites over the years for casual you know what. If they start wishing more from me then I get rid of them as I do not need a boyfriend whatsoever. I lived with four different men over the years prior to having my ds who is now nearly 13 and I have luckily completely worked through any need for a relationship.