Shoulder to cry on please, feel so alone .

[Rewy]

I am realising that me and my dc are truly alone and it hurts so much . Dcs dad was emotionally , passive aggressively and financially abusive . I found out our entire relationship was a lie a couple of years ago .
I quickly went into another relationship and fell head over heels for the most handsome charming man .I am coming to realise that he too is emotionally abusive .
He is unpredictable, has regular explosive tantrums over v minor things or if i become upset for any reason . Instead of trying to comfort me he will shout and swear and storm off . I text him and call as i am so scared he wont want me and he says i am abusive . All i do is text him my feelings , never swear at him or shout . He usually puts the phone down and lately has taken to switching his phone off and i dont hear from him for several days .
I want to feel safe and secure and i just dont but im in love with him so much and i dont want to be alone.
Maybe its me ? maybe i make people behave like that?
I dont trust him but i wont ever trust another man again .Despite this i never try to control him or what he does as i know that would be v wrong .
I dont feel like a good mum to my dc as i often get upset and lose my temper easily with them .
I dont know why i am writing this really ,just need to get it off my chest . I feel so alone and scared .

An example of bf behaviour , last night we were sat watching tv and i made a joke similar to one he had made earlier on in the night and as i said it i leaned in nearer to him . He backed away and asked why i was getting in his face and didnt i know about personal space. I moved away up the sofa ,so confused because i couldnt understand his reaction. I have barely seen him all weekend as he was out drinking all day sat then shopping and over his mums yest.

Please don't stay with this man. He sounds absolutely awful.

I can understand that awful feeling alone feeling. I remember it well. I too ended up in a relationship with a man similar to the one you describe and it still hangs over me sometimes now, 2.5 years later.

Nobody deserves to be treated the way you are being treated. Please don't blame yourself, keep yourself safe.

I love him so much but i dont like how he treats me sometimes. When hes nice its great .
I dont want to be alone , i would crumble , i wouldnt be able to cope . I prob would never be able to meet another man anyway .

What is it about him that you love, Rewy?
How do you know he loves you?

This man is trashing your self confidence, it's no wonder you feel so alone.

He is handsome , capable , strong and funny when hes not in one of his moods .
I dont know that he loves me , he says so but i dont feel loved if im honest .

That's because his actions aren't those of a man who loves you.
Have you considered seeing a counsellor? I would recommend this anyway but I definitely would not stay in this relationship without one.