How have you managed the whole absent parent thing?

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If your ex isn't involved at all, how have or how will you handle the topic of where is my dad (or mum) when your kids bring it up? Is it better to have age appropriate honesty or is it better to present a softer point of view? I mean in response to questions like where is my dad, why don't I see my dad, what was my dad like? (Or mum obv). Do you go for honesty or do you fairytale it up a bit in a positive way?

I have a dd whose dad has never been involved. I took the lead from her and she didn't raise the topic of where he was until she was five. I chose to be honest as I wouldn't have wanted her to put him on a pedestal, although this was of course age appropriate.

I had a friend at school who tracked down her absent dad secretly online expecting it to be a fairy tale reunion but in fact her mum had been abused and he went on to be abusive to my friend. If her mum had been honest she probably would never have sought him out. It wouldn't really be safe for dd to have contact and it's incredibly easy to find people online these days so I think it's best to be frank (now she's older) so they don't build up an unrealistic fantasy.

I've been honest in a need to know kind of way. I answer questions but I don't go into detail. DD3 (7) has been happy with that so far. Where is my dad has been easy to answer because I know where he is. Why don't I see my dad, I've been able to say that it's because he lives overseas. She's never asked what her dad was like.

I'm scared of that happening if don't tell her enough, blue. I don't want her to get a fairy tale impression of a dangerous man and at the same time I don't want her to know how awful her dad is. Balance is going to be hard!

What would you say if she did ask what he was like, all? Would you be blunt or would you sort of make it softer for he?

My ex was convinced that he doesn't have to bother with dd because when she's 18 she will come and find him anyway. It's a scary thought!

My DS's dad stopped seeing him when he was 3...He did want to buy things, send him things so he would see him...I told him over and over again it wasn't his fault till he rolled his eyes and said I know...I have told him if Dad wants to see him it is something he has to sort out not something I can do...

He struggled most when he started school..I tell him all families are different... He is 6 now and is quite comfortable with no seeing his Dad..Don't know if he will always feel that way...

I would never tell him a fairy tale version as then when he grows up need to then tell him the truth and then that damages out trust...I have kept all sorts of documentation to show him when he is older if he needs that expanation