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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

How easy/hard is it?

11 replies

MyLifesAMess · 30/01/2014 13:23

Recently found out I'm pregnant - no longer with father (see my other thread in relationships)

I'm still deciding what's the best choice for me to make

I'm worried about being a single parent and coping with the demands of a baby and the financial side to things

Be honest is it as hard as some people say it is

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TheOrchardKeeper · 30/01/2014 13:27

It's bloody hard but then it's also bloody rewarding and worth it if it's what you want. Good luck whatever you do. It's a hard choice either way

TheOrchardKeeper · 30/01/2014 13:27

(I'd go by gut feeling, not by what you're most worried about tbh).

Enb76 · 30/01/2014 13:35

Is the father going to be involved at all and how much other support do you have?

I've not found it very difficult partly because I have experienced nothing else and some aspects have been far easier being lone rather than with a partner. Financially it really depends on how you're already fixed and I'd say start saving up as much of your current salary as you can, make sure your accomodation is as stable as you can and rally the support of relatives and friends. I went back to work full-time originally after maternity but couldn't sustain it so am now p/t until my child is a bit older.

In other news, being a parent is the best thing that could have happened to me.

Original poster

MyLifesAMess · 30/01/2014 13:39

He wants nothing to do with me or his child.
I feel I'll have a reasonable amount of support
It's just that this really isn't how id pictures it (nothing seems to be though)

Financially I have nothing.. A car on finance for another 2years :( so not a lot for me to save.

OP posts:

feelinlucky · 30/01/2014 13:41

It's hard work but totally doable. I have a beautiful and 'spirited' boy and I adore him. He brings me so much joy :) We have a decent life. His father is a disgrace to men but it's his loss. You'll be just fine.

feelinlucky · 30/01/2014 13:43

You do have your child so you have been blessed. Honestly, everything will be good.

Enb76 · 30/01/2014 13:49

How old are you?

He doesn't get a choice about being financially involved. Are you employed?

It isn't how I pictured it either, I never even wanted children but I found out too late to do anything about it. I probably wouldn't have had my child if I'd found out sooner. There's not a wrong or right decision, there's only the decision that you make. I can tell you that I am glad that I had my child but equally, had I not had her that would have also been fine. She's the best thing I have ever done (even if totally by accident) but I was in a good job, had secure housing and plenty of support and I was 32. When I found out I felt like a 16 year old.

Whatever decision you make, it will be the right one for you.

Original poster

MyLifesAMess · 30/01/2014 14:33

Am 20, employed but only working 3days a week.

OP posts:

Enb76 · 30/01/2014 14:38

20 is really young but neither decision will ruin your life.

momofmonster · 30/01/2014 15:02

I agree with other posters - it is hard but it is also rewarding. There are somethings i find easier though, knowing that every decision i make about my child is exactly that, my decision!! and if i want to raise my child to be obsessed with all things sci-fi then i can!!

bluetoenails · 30/01/2014 15:28

I raised my dd from birth as a single parent and I was 19 when I had her. I actually don't think I realised how hard it was until much later, because when you're young you haven't had time to get used to a high standard of living anyway, and in some ways I was even better off than others my age. I didn't miss not having a car or being able to spend money on luxuries as I'd never really had that, and I got help with housing so that I could have my own flat with dd whereas everyone else my age could only afford houseshares. I managed on benefits for a while when she was a baby, and I found it ok as it covered our expenses, and it was nice to be able to have that time with her when she was young, whereas friends haven't been able to do that when they've had their dc and they seem to regret it.

DD's dad was never involved in her upbringing and didn't provide any maintenance, but again it's easier to budget like that from the start, than if you've started out as a comfortable married couple and have to move out from a nice mortgaged property/middle class lifestyle. It's also definitely been easier for me to find new relationships without the complications of an ex hanging around, so the fact that your ex doesn't want to be involved may be a blessing. I've never had to deal with any of the issues around contact/splitting holiday time/dealing with different parenting styles that other single mums have to put up with.

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