Travel on contact days

[GuernseyTeddy]

ExDP about to get involved in a big work project which will involve him travelling two/three days a week. He'll never know from one week to another which days he'll be travelling.

WIBU to bill him for a childminder if I need to make last minute childminding plans as a result of him not being able to have his contact nights as arranged?

I make plans based on DS (five months) being at his father's two nights a week. I'm a SAHM so this is the only time I get to myself, and am reluctant to cancel my classes to facilitate exDPs work arrangements.

Should I just suck it up, or would I be entirely within my rights to charge him for a childminder if his being away means I have to engage childcare?

It is not a question of `rights' - there is nothing in law concerning this.

Have you tried discussing it with your ex to see if you can agree something that is in your DS's best interests and works for all concerned?

Annoying as it is I don't think it would be fair to charge your ex. It doesn't sound like he's purposefully being difficult. My ex is supposed to collect my DS on a weds so I can work late. Frequently he can't do it aa he is away with work which is an absolute pain but there's not a lot I can do.

If your class is not essential for you right now then I think you might just have to forgoe it.

You'll struggle to enforce any bills on him tbh. Unless you explain he'll have to arrange childcare, then it'll be you employing the childcare, and you then can't force your ex to stump up.

The problem is that he clearly thinks you are his childcare as you are a SAHM and he doesn't need to worry about that stuff. If his plans change or inconvenience you, that is the downside of being the PWC - it comes with the territory I'm afraid.

Best thing you can do is arrange your life around other support if you need it, and separate the need for childcare/a break from your ex's contact. It will feel much better in the long run to not depend on your ex for help/a break.

Unless you have a good amicable relationship and can talk this stuff through knowing that help 'get it' and realise his work choices impact you, and he should do something about the effect on you, then arguments over this stuff tends to cause more problems that they solve.

Obviously I'll be looking after my son whilst his father is away - I won't be making him engage a nanny or anything whilst he's away just because that's 'his time'.

However, our son is 50% his responsibility - talked about moving to shared care once I return to work. And I doubt he's be so willing to change his plans to accommodate any travel on my part - I would have to hire a nanny.

I guess I'm just asking whether he should pay for the babysitters I'll need to use when he's away. I totally think he should. But am prepared to be told otherwise.

If it's his contact and the days he is supposed to be parenting, I think he should be making arrangements for when he can't have your ds. It's a bit silly for it to all come down to you. I think some of these NRPs need to decide if they are a parent in the full sense of the word or just playing babysitter if and when it suits. If it's a full parent, he needs to do what any other parent would do i.e sort childcare to cover extra work.

It would be more that reasonable to ask him but you have no way of making him to it.

If he was doing some kind of hobby or going out with his mates, fair enough, but if he's working to support DS then yes, I think it would be unreasonable. I can see how it would be really difficult to organise contact around this, though. Does he have an alternative? Is it going to be temporary or ongoing?

I'm with Flowery - if the arrangement is that he has your DC On certain days, then you should make clear one of the following:

(1) as he is responsible for your DC during those times he needs to ake arrangements or

(2) as his circumstances have changed you can both mutually agree changes to the arrangements, but again, if there is a gap he wil need to figure out a solution

You are both parents after all, it's not just YOUR responsibility

What kind of child care are you intending on putting your son in to? There aren't many places that will allow for alternating days with no more than a weeks notice.

Have you looked into tax credits? You would possibly be entitled to a % of your childcare fees paid.

If your arrangement is private between you both (no contact order) I doubt you can force him to pay.

i guess alot depends on what sort of financial arrangemetn you ahve how much he pays you in CM etc.

if its a fab job paying hundreds of thousands and you getting thousands from him anyway then two hours baby sitiiing for you to do a class some weeks isnt worth fighting... after all it's his job that is paying you to be able to be SAHM ??

or are you getting v little from his job and you getting extra support from other sources? context and amounts of money involved are everything... id ont think it s purely about principle. £20 baby sitting cost for one person is a lot for another it's not .

if this is now the routine and each week is going to be differnt nights for contact then you need to sit down and agree that you will book a regular baby sitter - depnding on cost versus current amout he paying you can then negoatiate. eg go halves etc.

if he is around and you dont need babysitter will he take DS on those nights? will you then cancel the babysitter ?

what about the other nights? if he still doing the two nights a week you got effectively "free" babysittting for those other nights and can have more nights out on those weeks so you could argue that you getting extra benefit from those other nights.

Another way of looking at it is that if he has to pay for it then he should arrange it and choose it.

How does that sit with you? Sending your child off to someone you may not know you have no input into when he's not even going to be seeing his other parent?