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exhausted

3 replies

muser31 · 26/01/2014 16:05

i posted awhile back about how hard i was finding things with dds sleep (2.5 years and never slept well) and the fact that my ex doesn't take her overnights. well he used to take her 2 days during the week but is now going to be on shift work and won't be able to take her 2 full days, so he agreed to take her one night a week. i thought, great i will finally get a night of sleep as im just knackered.

well last week was her first time at his house, and she slept perfectly but then she came home totally hyper the next day, and didn't sleep at all the next night - a lot worse than usual. it had a severe effect on her mood, behaviour and also my ability to cope and things felt a lot worse than before. i feel she has gone backwards... she was sleeping in her own bed but getting up through the night, but wanted back in my bed etc.

i have said to exh that i will give it another shot this week, but if it continues to be a pattern then i don't think its in her best interests at this stage (and what was going to be a help to me is the opposite - but i didn't say that as that doesn't matter to him obviously) i am at my wits end with exhaustion. dd was taking steps forward...she needs to learn good sleep habits not get worse. if these are only a few weeks teething problems then we will get through it but if not, surely its reasonable that its in dds interests to prosphone staying over with him till she can handle it?

how does anyone else get round their partner working shift work? it seems so hard. he just says his shifts then we work round them - he says he needs a day off to study as he is at uni and also on a placement. i am thinking if sleeping at his is going to disrupt her this much, it would be better for him to try to see her more during the day such as a morning or an afternoon - i don't know. i really just don't know what to do. i was so looking forward to getting a night a week off too.

OP posts:
FudgefaceMcZ · 26/01/2014 16:53

:( It is crap, I think they go away then get so disrupted that they act up when they get home, but she will eventually be older and able to deal with it more.

Can you get some other childcare at all to give yourself a break? Maybe he could pay towards it if he can't sort out some regular time. Remember it IS in his interests for you to be healthy and not exhausted, you are looking after a child who is half his, so he should be trying to make your life a bit easier if he can.

queenofthepirates · 26/01/2014 18:25

2.5yo without sleeping through might be raising alarm bells-can you discuss with your GP? Have you tried sleep training? I'm afraid I'm from the tough love school of sleeping but it's paid dividends for my 2.9yo. Happy to discuss over PM if you want some references? I think you need a break though.

muser31 · 27/01/2014 08:20

fudge we had a hugs argument last night as i was trying to explain to him that i was actually very tired too... all he sees is the fun night he has with his dd, he can't see beyond that, he doesn't know anything about her routines, behvaviour, about how im coping etc....he just doesn't get it. and i want her to stay with him and really want to make it happen but i have limits too... mum was saying it might work better if he even had her two nights every other weekend, but one night a week is going to be very challenging for me. she is at such a tough age!

queen thanks i am so glad it worked for you. ... i have tried many variations of sleep training with her, not the hardcore type though. at the minute (well before she had the sleepover) she was doing well with going to sleep in her bed, and going back to her bed during the night. i have been on the phone many times to hv who doesn't think its cause for alarm she says some kids are good sleepers and some aren't and its tough luck, apparently i was like this as a kid. hv says just to keep bringing her back to bed every time and use stuff like the gro clock (which ive yet to do as its expensive) im open to ideas but i don't think hardcore sleep training... ie leave her in her room and shut the door to cry... at this age, is right for both her and me.... it never worked before,... but im so glad it worked for you because anything that works is worth it.

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