Has anyone else just recently split up with their dp/dh ?

[maltesers]

Feeling lonely and ery anxious at times as i have split up with my dp . He finally became aggressive and that was the last straw. Feel i have put up with so much wrong in the relationship but just cannot go tolerate a man who is violent. We have a 5 yr old between us and i have two teenagers from a previous marriage in 1994 so sadly i am going through it all again. Know my dp wasnt right for me. His evil temper was the worst thing.
Is there anyone who is going through the same ? ?
Thanks for talking if there is !

I left my partner of 5 yrs two weeks before our wedding because he was having an affair, he was still going to marry me and carry on with her. Things had not been brill for a while and we were arguing alot but thought it was the pressure of the wedding but no it was something more. I was very sad about it all when it happened but i honestly belive it was the best thing to have happened to me. I am fighting for my house, i will be very poor for the next few years but i wasnt happy and dont feel that i could have been.

I have had alot to learn and do things on my own. I have had to learn to cook aswell which is going well. I wished them both well. (they want joint custody of my son which i do not feel is right for ds and that is when i might crumble).

The very positive thing is that you have shown your children that violence is not acceptable and that is fab. You will survive and you will learn to do things and have your own thoughts and views like i have.

Have you sorted out benefits, maintenance if not do so as soon as because they take weeks to sort. I have still not got any benefits and it has been 6/7 weeks so get on the phone to tax credits so it can be backdated.

H and I split up a couple of months ago and he went to live with his mother. I was really upset and lonely at first and thought i had made a huge mistake but as the weeks have passed ive started to enjoy my freedom and my confidence is growing, I like having my own space (although get very lonely in the evenings)

I am having to learn all about fuses and lightbulbs and cooking! And I hate putting the bins out....

Its still early days for me, some are worse than others. Evil Mil doesnt help, but I am taking the high ground and ignoring her.

Stay strong.

I found about thinking what you would miss is very good, i'll start i miss sex, roast dinners and the security of money. All things i can do myself one way or the other or learn. I tried to do a roast today and it was very wierd but good and i done it all on my own. That feeling is fabulous.

Ps the roast was roast turkey leg, ratatoiuie nad corn on the cob but it was great.

Me too Maltesers. 2 months now since my H was charged with assaulting me. Such a relief to have him gone, if I could just get him to give me money. He has bail conditions restricting him coming near me which is really convenient for him as he doesn't have to take on any responsibility for the kids. He's decided to go to my Mums on a Friday when she watches them to kick a ball about and give them cakes... then go back to his single life while I rot at home every night on MN (no offence!!!!).

thnks all single mums for your messages. my ex went mad last monday. i turned up all dressed up to go out with girlfriends when i picked up my ds and ex went ballistic. Had lots of foul nasty threatening texts that night and up till yesterday. He has been really spiteful and threatened custody and getting soccial services involved. ur ? for what ? ? He refuses to apologise and wanted to take our ds away for three days. I said no, and he ranted ffurther, but he is now calmer. Now i am away from him i can be more assertive and he doesnt like it. Haave told him to be nicer or i will more away.
Just waiting for ds to return from three hours with his dad. Hope he is pleasant.

after 16yrs together and five kids(15 13 12 3 20mths)i find myself sigle i fell out of love with him and lied about my feelings for months he asked me two weeks ago if i loved him so i finally told him no finally he left to live at his bros but i had to call the plice at 3am on sunday morning as he was trying to kick the door down(he was drunk)the other night he offerd me money for sex now hes playing on the kids saying he wants them to decide if they want him to live here or not hes being a total wa*er he wont watch the kids so i could go out tonight hes afraid i'll find someone else to sleep with hes just really startin to p*s me off tbh right rant over feel better now lol

I left mine in December when I was 4 months preg. He was threatening to throw me out of the window (4th floor) and after our history I believed him. The worst of it is feeling such a fool (lies to self in progressive order: he won't hit me again, he won't hit me very hard, he won't hit me in front of DD, he won't hit me in front of DD when she's old enough to understand...)At the end I realised they'd be no end to what I'd put myself and DDs through if I kept following that line.
A shame as when he's not being a lunatic he's a lovely bloke who loves his kids...wish there was a cure

I have only just asked my DP to leave. I feel so bad for my little boy, because DP was a fabulous dad, and we did get on well a lot of the time. The problem is that DP has been getting more and more depressed (in my opinion)and has been becoming more and more snappy and ill-tempered.
Until recently, I hated leaving our son with him when I went to work because he was so grotty about it and I began to feel really depressed. I finally told him that if he continued to act as if he resented me going to work (he is studying/self employed/doesn't have any money or go out) it was over, so he seemed to pull himself up.
However last week when I was leaving I shouted at him for something and he called me a fg bitch and threw a metal bin which hit me. I don't know if he had meant to hit me or if he knew he had. When I returned after work he refused to talk to me - as if I had done something??!! I was mentally making plans to leave.
Finally we spoke and after a few days things were ok, but I was waiting for any other signs of violence, just in case he hadn't meant to hit me with the bin. He continued to be very volatile happy one minute then really angry about something.
Today he was being really snappy and then picked up my laptop and switched it on. I said he should ask me especially as he was being so foul to me, he was rude. I told him to switch it off.
He then almost threw it on the floor but didn't, then put his hands round my neck, but didn't do anything (I was looking at him in disbelief) then smashed a lamp to bits, the glass flying all over our son. At this point I told him to pack up and go. I said he had thrown something the week before and now put his hands round my neck and that I couldn't trust him anymore and couldn't safely stay with him. So he took a few bits a pieces and left.
So tonight is my first night alone.
I feel sad for DS, who luckily isn't two yet so doesn't have much of a clue. He really hasn't seen or heard anything much apart from enduring stupid arguments in the car.
I just want something better, but now I'm starting to worry about work because DP watched our son whilst I was out, so I will probably have to cut my hours - no money - chaos. It's soo scary. But only day one.
Nobody should endure an abusive relationship.
Now I'm wondering how the hell can I ever go on a date again, I have absolutely NO time to myself. LOL!

anotherstat, my ex was depressed, volatile and violent like you describe as well and wouldn't be treated. As you said "I have absolutely NO time to myself." The result of the freedom from abuse is a complete loss of all freedom (particularly if you draw a short straw like I did and find he doesn't involve himself with the children any more) and 3 years on it still feels like that but it is still much better than being with someone who treats you like that.

My DP has been aggressive and acted in a violent way towards myself in front of my ds who is 5 and my dss who is 9 , we are taking things one day at at time, but Im not sure if we will come out of this together. He says he is trying to change his behaviour , but Im not sure if he can. So far this week hes been ok, however at the weekend we had a mini argument at the dinner table because I wanted to talk whilst we all ate and he wanted to watch a program on t.v, oh and so did his ds 9 who cant stand the way my ds 5 ate,he has got this from his dad, as he makes a big deal about people eating noisily.
I have just booked a weekend away for the 4 of us, I think it will be the make or break weekend.As it was me who is trying to piece this relationship back together, I really have had enough of it.

Sorry, had to name change, but am regular poster.

Am very ashamed to say I have lived with routine domestic violence for 7 years.

Long story - but he left 6 weeks ago serving an aggressive spiteful divorce petition on me citing my mental instability and lack of financial acuman

I feel like a flower that has been given water.
F* all the hardship and divorce cross petitioning and expense ahead.

NEVER NEVER HAVING HIM BACK

Am also on MN too much but this is the first post where I feel able to open up knowing there are other people who have recent experiences like mine.

Xenia, ditto about freedom from abuse has meant almost complete loss of freedom, but I honestly believe life will get better

Stay in touch all - we need some mutual support right now