Finding it hard to cope.....

[Stella843]

I'm a mum of an 8 year old boy and 3 month old twin girls. Though my sons dad and I get on well and he has regular access, my daughers' dad wants nothing to do with them and has barely been seen since the pregnancy started to show. All through my pregnancy my mum said how she would be there for me and the girls, and help out so that I could spend time with my son, but since they've been born i've hardly seen her. It seems that everybody who offered support while I was pregnant now just says "I don't know how you cope!" and leaves it at that - if I ask for help then it's invariably inconvenient.

I just don't think that I am doing the best for any of my children at the moment - my son loves his sisters but i'm afraid that he's taking on too much personal responsibility in an effort to take the pressure off me, and when the girls are crying I don't even know what to do: if they're clean, dry and fed and just want cuddles, how do I decide who gets the cuddles?!

I am so sorry that you are struggling like this...and both feel and are coping alone. I think this stage is hard as they are no longer sleeping so much (though you may not have noticed much sleeping....).

Practically there is a charity called home start www.home-start.org.uk/ who can send a volunteer (usually an older person, often a mum, who wants to offer emotional and practical support) they are wonderful as people to offer practical help (even holding the babies whilst you have a bath) and someone to talk to.

If you don't already have a sling i would invest in a back carrier so you can in effect cuddle 2 babies at once...there are twin slings but IMO front carrying 2 growing babies is too much for most people's back...although in desperation I have been known to tie them on with a large sheet!

Try not to worry about your son. tell him how much he is helping, how much you appreciate it and try to get him out to playdates with his mates once or twice a week. You may find that relative strangers are better at helping than so called friends....

have to go now but will have a think about what else couls ease the burden

is it worth going to your local sure start centre or contacting your health visitor? I'm sure you are doing better than u think. try not to be too hard on yourself

Another one who thinks it might be worth trying homestart or surestart. You need an extra pair of hands with the twins. Although your DS is a credit to you if he's offering to help .