am i being unfair to my 2 boys?

[forgetandforgive]

hi. i just like to know if im being fair to my 2 ds. aged 8 and nearly 10 yo. i decided to split with my ex in the ny. he hasn't come to visit the kids since our split. my ds does talk on facetime with their dad. he is someone who is very laid back and will happily let them eat macddonld every may and play on their laptops 3-4 hours a time. i know this happens because my ds was with their dad over xmas holiday. he now wants the dc to spend a few weeks with him when summer holiday comes. im concerned about the lack of routine care for their skin because they both have eczema. MY youngest has severe eczema and they have come back from visiting their dad with skin that is harder to keep under control. i have told my ex about my worries and he said i was just too selfish. i don't really want my dc to visit their dad when come summer holiday. there's just so many things im worried about

1. late nights, they can sleep when they like even if past midnight.
2. bad diet. too much mscdonald .
3. can plays hours and hours of computer games.
4. they had so much freedom would struggle to get back to get school.

am I being wrong to stop my dc to visit their dad?

Yes and no. I feel that the skin treatments are absolutely vital and you ought not to waiver on that one. No responsible parent would deny their child medical treatment. As for the late nights and bad diet.... wellll.... I would see how it goes.

it's different parenting styles, eczema is hard to control unless you use to it.

None of these are good enough reasons to stop contact they are old enough to at least express a view and the older one old enough to cream themselves.

(based on this being in hols - obv different with school in morning)

I think it's very early days for you and unfortunately different parenting styles are hard to get used to... My exh lets our 4 and 7 year olds drink dr pepper, which has the same amount of caffeine as coke!! But I don't say anything as ts pointless. And only happens once a week.

Def don't move on the eczema issue though, although I assume your ex will get to see the damage he is causing if he has the DCs for a week.

With regards to the school hols and routine... Holidays are all about staying up late and having fun doing things you wouldn't normally do. If you're worried about them not being properly prepared for the start of term, can you make sure your exes time with them doesn't span the last week of te hols?

I know it's so hard to get used to change, but it wil get easier and in time you won't mind so much.

it will be the holidays so you can hardly obkject to late nights etc.

jsut make sure they back into routine and ealry bed night before school .

get gp or specialsit letter spelling out excema routine

the boys old enough to know this anyway - and they can tell dad if they suffering with excema and what he needs to do - train them to apply their own creams etc

thank

what i meant to say was thank you everyone for your input. looking at it, letting the dc go and stay with their dad is the right thing to do. maybe this will also give me more time to do my things.

what i meant to say was thank you everyone for your input. looking at it, letting the dc go and stay with their dad is the right thing to do. maybe this will also give me more time to do my things.

what i meant to say was thank you everyone for your input. looking at it, letting the dc go and stay with their dad is the right thing to do. maybe this will also give me more time to do my things.

what i meant to say was thank you everyone for your input. looking at it, letting the dc go and stay with their dad is the right thing to do. maybe this will also give me more time to do my things.

I'd be pissed off with the lack of routine too. Because it will be you who has to deal with all the crap afterwards. It's unacceptable for one parent to get to be the fun parent and the other having to play bad cop all the time. If he's happy to let them chill out for a few days then get them back in a routine then that would be fair.

And I wouldn't budge on the eczema issue. I have to work around my dc's eczema (ie: they can't have baths and fun stuff like bubbles) and so should he. You can't pick and choose only the fun bits of parenting.

You will learn to love the free time you get! It's 5 months in for me and although it does still hurt, I have to say I love my free weekends! I've done loads of decorating, and am going on a spa weekend soon too. Also getting a boob job pmsl!

everyone has made good points. i totally agree with you meglet. my ex never meets half way. concerning eczema i told him not to use any fragrance soap for the little one when they spend the week with their dad. but he insisted on using dove bath wash and head & shoulders for their hair. he even had the nerve to point out that i wasn't using the right cream/method for the dc eczema. i had a disagreement with him the other time because he wanted the kids to stay for another week but i said they needed to adjust back to their routines before school starts. my eldest son was so disappointed even after 3 weeks of returning home.