He left 2 weeks ago. 2yr dd. advice

[GEM33]

Hi. My partner of 7 years and dad of my only child age two left two weeks ago. He has a 12 year old son he left his mum when he was also 2. I'm trying to keep things nice and keep talking calmly etc but he has turned all of a sudden into cold exterior (I can understand this to create distance etc) but he is saying silly things about me quitting my job to make it easier for him to not have dd overnight (I work shifts and often do nights). Who the hell does he think he is.
My biggest fear is letting my dd go somewhere else than our home to be looked after. I worry about her security and routine etc.

Anyway just want to hear others advice on what you ve been through in the early days to wherever u are now to get an idea of what I may expect. I know we are all different but I need to know there's a chance this could all become easier or not! I'm still very upset as he left out of the blue and I was not expecting it thought we d be together forever! How wrong was I!

Has he been a good dad so far? If so no reason for that to change,if he's a good dad he will protect her as well as you do.

He is a good dad to my dd but I feel he s been a very distant father with his 12 yr old and I ve been the one getting him to do stuff with him.

chances are he will be fine. It's not easy but try not to worry

Only time will tell. Hopefully he has good intentions and will stick to plans and routines. I have been through a bad situation and that did not happen for me but it DOES happen and men can still be good dads (or so I've heard...). I understand the anxiety of not wanting your 2 year old's routine to be upset and to be worried about them being in a different environment. Try to focus on the fact that he has been a good dad in the past and at the moment you have no evidence to the contrary.
Yes, he is being an idiot suggesting you give up your job. A lot of men get very funny about money and financial matters - I have seen it happen so many times. Stand your ground (obviously) regarding work.

I would just remind you to take baby steps. You can worry yourself sick about the future and it is best to see how his behaviour and care of your DD is day to day. Your worries may turn out to be unfounded (hopefully) - this is the hard part when you have just split and feelings are raw and behaviour unreasonable. You sound remarkably calm and reasonable. Just ride this bit out. It is always a very difficult and stressful time. Encourage the time spent with DD if possible as you don't want their relationship to go downhill. Once the relationship is fractured it is bloody hard to get it back on track. You are strong and you just need to take it slowly. Remember: day by day.

One day at a time at this stage. Try not to engage in any conversations about your job/ finances etc ar the minute while things are so raw.

What contact is he having at the minute ?

Things that worked for me which may or may not work for you:

-I immediately started weekly sessions with a counsellor
-I went on antidepressants
-on the advice of my counsellor I paid for a session with a lawyer to find out my legal position. I didnt end up taking any legal action, but it gave me lot of confidence to know where I stood on all the issues. (I dont live in the UK, so there was a lot to learn)
-again on the advice of my counsellor, I limited all contact to just text messages about contact details, and at pick up and drop off the only conversation was factual details about DS's routine/medicines etc. This really helped avoid falling back into arguments.

The last one helped the most I think, for about 6 months we had no conversation at all expect for basic important details about DS, it gave me space to heal from the wounds and established a new type of relationship between us which was all about the parenting. It was hard to do at first, but ultimately really worked.

Like monet said, dont engage in any conversations designed to wind you up. He can press the button, but you dont have to respond. Good luck to you.