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Lone parents

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my nearly 10 yr old son is feeling sad.

5 replies

forgetandforgive · 16/01/2014 23:07

i would just love some opinion please. i have finished with my 2ds dad in the nw. my ex told my eldest that he won't be coming home anymore but he could visit him when he's older. he bought them both an ipad so they could do facetime on it. the first 2 weeks my eldest son would ring to his dad every day and they would talk for a while. but now i had to put their ipad away because as soon ad they see it they're want to play on it hours on end. so i told them that they could use it to call their dad and only play games on the weekends. their father had not called once to ask about the kids. so i told them that he was very busy. each time its hw time he would feel teary. its not a new thing because making him to sit down and do his hw has always been very stressful for us. but now my eldest son would say that i don't love him. he says his dad loves him more and he feels the same too. i let him know that we both love them very much even if he thinks i don't. he told me that he wants to go and live with his da. he is unhappy with me, he cries and says he miss him very much & his dad will never come and visit him anymore. i blame his dad for telling him that. he's a very sensitive boy and i feel he lacks confidence and feeling sad. His younger bro 8 doesn't feel the same. he is s go lucky character. he can let go of things and bounce back with no trouble. i don't know what to say to him their dad don't come and visit them since we split up. he has told his son that they can stay with him in the summer holidays. is it selfish of me to not let them go because my ex hadn't made the effort to call once. only call back when my ds leaves a miss call. I am worried that he doesn't want to live with me and if he does go in the summer holidays,it will take a long time before he can get back to his routine. not sure what to do but want my ds to be happy again.

OP posts:
IneedAwittierNickname · 16/01/2014 23:14

Why can they only visit him when they are older?

It's still new, and your ds is still adjusting to his dad not being there.
My ex never phones to see how the dc are, and rsrely returns their calls.

forgetandforgive · 16/01/2014 23:33

thanks for your reply. i should explain, my ex works 7 days a week he is self employed and the hours are evening but knowing him he wouldn't wake up till 4pm to start work. my ex doesn't want anything to do with me nor step foot in our house, so i don't think its likely he can come on a regular basis to see the the children. he wants told me that if we ever split up he doesn't want anything to with us. dc dad lives 80 miles away not too far if driving. maybe you are right. my ds just haven't got used to their dad being there. eventhough before our split, he'd come home once a week to spend time with his sons.

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IneedAwittierNickname · 16/01/2014 23:56

Oh ok, I understand now.

Give your son lots of love and attention (not saying you don't already, but he may need more)
Make sure he knows you love him, and also that he can talk to you if he needs to.
My son is the same age and is having problems with his dad. He speajs to the school pastoral carer (does your sobs school have one?) It really helps him well through his feelings.
Could he send a letter/email to his dad? Would he reply?

starlight1234 · 17/01/2014 07:51

I have always believed honesty is the best policy, Be honest but not slagging Ex off, don't make excuses....

He may also need reassurance you will be there no matter what he does...Does he feel it is his fault....He may work 7 days a week but if he was truly interested he could juggle work around to see his kids.

Does he have anyone to talk to about this other than you as he may worry about hurting your feelings.

forgetandforgive · 17/01/2014 13:29

his dad always return his call. i think I've been strick in the past with both my sons but sometimes i also let them get away with rudeness and being disobedient. must admit my parenting skills has Ben inconsistent. i have always been their mum as well as dad. my ex have always lack taking part and interest in the the children. he just leave all the discipline to me, so i have been the good/bad parent in his eyes. my ex have tried juggle work and family when we was together but that was only for a short while. maybe i've been to eager trying to help him with school related because he's struggling in class. i would love hereto go to the parks or cycling together oj weekends but he rather stay in and play on his laptop. he's lovescomputer games more than anything! i will let him know that no matter what happens, i will always be there. thanks for advice since i have neglected time talking to him.

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