Leaving my husband - how will I support us? feeling lost

[twinklefish]

Hi there,

Apologies for the long and no doubt rambling first post.

A few weeks ago I came to the decision to leave my husband of 7 years (partner of 10 years) - the reasons for this I really have no energy to discuss any more (I'm exhausted by it).

My reason for posting is that I really don't know anyone personally who has been through this and I'm feeling completely overwhelmed.

I've been trying to work out how I will afford to house and feed myself and our 4 year old son, and I just feel so terrified.

I've never claimed benefits before, or even any kind of child credits or child benefit (my husband earns over the threshold). I work 3 days a week, and often do some freelance work to top up our money. We also have about £10,000 in debt.

I keep doing online benefits calculators, which give me quite a positive result - but then when I went to the Housing Benefits office they gave me a really low figure. I have also done tax credit calculators for working and child tax credits, and they give me much higher figures than HMRC have estimated me over the phone.

I have to find a flat for us, and really soon. I am hoping my parents will be able to help me with the immediate cost of moving (deposits etc) - but what I'm terrified of is the fact that it seems Im going to have to commit to renting a flat, that I really won't know if I can afford until my housing benefit claim, and tax credit applications get processed. The housing benefit in particular you can't claim until you have a flat to claim on.

Part of me thinks I will have to find a full time Job - but a) my job is the only normal thing for me right now, I'm not sure I could bare leaving it aswell. and b) I'm not convinced I will get one easily, and a salary that would support us both.

Finally, I keep thinking maybe I will have to just try and get as much freelance work as posisble to top up my income - but if I do that that would change my benefits and tax credits allowances, and would I potentially have to give loads of money back??!!

I'm not really sure what help I'm expecting to get here, but I guess just any pearls of wisdom from people who have been here?

Any kind words would be appreciated I guess, I feel very alone in this.

x

Sorry I just wanted to add that my other reason for being reluctant to find a full time job is how I would manage that will school drop off's etc and how much my son would have to be in childcare. (he will start school in Sept).

Deep breaths, it's really daunting when you start down this road but it's usually workable.

It's frustrating that you can't get definite figures beforehand either. I've had the same problem when I wanted to change my hours and tax credits couldn't tell me what my payments would change to. This is a failing of the current system as it makes it really hard when you are trying to budget and plan long term.

IMO best to plan with the lowest figures you've been given, and anything extra is a bonus.

Would you feel comfortable posting your income and your anticipated rental figure here?

I started out with a gross income of 16k (excluding CSA and CB) and rent of £750 a month and made it work, if that helps