Daddy has broken my heart

[Tillylils]

My 7 year old daughter said this to me tonight. How do others handle it when their child is upset about their dad not living with them anymore?
Our situation is exh and I split up 3 years ago when dd was 4. It was his decision and it was an awful time for dd and I. For me, it turned out to be the best thing, I am so much happier, but dd really struggles with it.
She sees her dad on a regular basis , we've followed the same pattern for contact from day one. We are amicable. She has friends who are in similar situations. I must say, she is mostly a very happy child but every weeks she cries inconsolably about missing her dad and wishing he would come back. She tells me she is never completely happy, she always has a sadness inside. I worry so much that this is spoiling her childhood. Please tell me it gets better?

I'm so sorry, you must feel awful . I have recently split from my children's father too, but they've hardly batted an eyelid. (He wasn't a good father, clearly.) I'm sure it will get better for her. With a mum as lovely as you, she'll adjust.

Ok first you must split this down.

Some of what your dd is saying is a true representation of fact, some will be a clever subconscious pulling of your heart strings.

If it is brought up by her while being told off I would recommend responding with something like "now dd you know your daddy loves you very much" continue with previous line.

If it is brought up separately then I would recommend listening to her, asking what hurts and why. Don't interrupt too quickly let her build up a flow. It may be something seemingly meaningless that she reads deeply into such as daddy not appearing to be upset that she's going or being on the phone close to saying goodbye time. It may be that she thinks he forgets about her when she's not there because her toys are not out when she returns.

It may be an actual thing but it may also be a way of manipulating YOUR vulnerabilities.
I'm not dissing your dd, I grew up with out my dad, he has always been 100% absent. Now I am an adult watching my best friends dd display the same behaviour I did and it has given me a whole new insight.

I won't ramble on indefinitely but I have been in a similar position to your dd and an happy to answer any questions you might want to ask me.

In a couple of years I will be in your position with my dd and her father.

How awful. The guilt that comes with being a Mum. I do wonder if most men feel the same level of guilt and worry.
I don't know what to say - my daughter was too young to know what was going on when my ex and I separated so my explanation to her will be different but I just want you to know that I sympathise. Are there any books written about this that you could buy? Is she sure of both your and your ex's love for her, does she feel secure in that sense? Have you talked to her about how common this is and that many children have two homes etc? I don't think there is a one way to explain it apart from to consistently reassure her that she is very loved and you will always be there for her and will always take care of her and your ex needs to do the same. As time rolls on she will see that this is true and hopefully accept it more. Good luck - it is bloody hard.