Positive Experiences of Lone Parenting

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

Hello all,

I lurk around here quite a bit, but have not posted in a long while. After the initial difficult period in managing the split, I've settled into just getting on with things (although the Ex can every now and again be a dick it doesn't bother me).

I have been taking stock recently, and have been thinking a lot about things. I have realised that my experience of lone parenting is a positive one. I have a wonderfully supportive, loving, and involved family, a good job which is flexible, supportive colleagues, and a great set of friends.

I'm very lucky - I do realise how lucky I am. Don't get me wrong, it's all a juggle, and I'm never on top of everything, but that's just the joy of having kids!

I never wanted to be on my own. I never wanted to have children outside of marriage - I'm quite traditional in that sense. But now I'm here, I think this is working for me, and I'm much better off than I would have been with the ex.

Thing is, this leaves me not really feeling like I identify with other single mums. I have a couple of single mum friends, but we have very different circumstances, and thus views on things, and have found it difficult at times talking to them about things. Equally, it's difficult for others with no kids or not on their own to understand.

I guess I'm looking to talk to someone who understands. So please come share with me. Do you get where I'm coming from?

yummytummy, please look at www.gingerbread.org.uk/ there is so much info there. as well as local groups, support networks, advice, etc

it can be really tough be a single mum, and doing it without support even more so. but you aren't alone, there is help out there.

hang in there, and meantime have some or a glass of !

that said, I am a very happy single mum. at times it has been tough, and lots to juggle, but when I close the door in the evening on another hectic day and know my ds is safely tucked up in bed and i sit on the sofa with a glass of win i am actually quite delighted to be on my own !

yummytummy I'm sorry about your situation, I really am.

I can see you are in need of some support. Have you spoken with womens aid? They can be very helpful. Plus it sounds like you need some legal advice on the mortgage issue and they can help with that. Also try the citizens advice bureau as they can help. It might also be worth talking to your local councils children's services team about what help they can be. Particularly if abuse is involved.

We all have different circumstances, but that doesn't mean our experiences are less valid. There are many on here who are having a positive experience and it's not really fair to try shut people up because that differs from your experience. We are identifying with each other.

Maybe take some comfort from the fact that you will in time and with some help come to enjoy it to. You won't always be in the situation that you are in now - we are all living examples of that.

I don't know where you are but if I can help I will. Feel free to Dm me.

Yes, it's strange how when you mention being a single parent to some people they act as if you re bereaved. Two and a half years on , love the calmness and no one to tell me how to hang the tea towel - that really was the last straw. Am lucky that can get by on 3 days a week work and pay mortgage although have had a change of lifestyle. I have a close friend who lives nearby. Her DD goes to a different school and she told me how conscious she was of being a single parent at the school gate. I don't give it a second thought. Just am amazed at how fab many single parents are.

Just marking my place-I've gone on and on about just how happy I am in previous threads :0). I am happier and more fulfilled than I ever have been.
I was definitely ready for my little girl and wanted her far more than a relationship which had run its course..As I've said before I personally would have found being in a relationship and having a child really hard.
To be alone with just my baby felt so natural and like the best place in the world...I also would find sharing decisions with somebody else really hard (I know how completely uncompromising I sound..:0) and am grateful for every moment I have until I meet (or not) somebody who could fit in with or make any better our 'perfect' situation.

Another happily single parent here! It's been 2 1/2 years now and initially I was devastated and didn't know how I could cope but over time became really empowered doing everything for myself and now I'm really happy and don't feel I need a man at all - like others have said, he'd have to be pretty special to make space in my life for a man now. I can really say I'm content and so much happier than I was married :)

Too true I have got to the point too where I do not crave or need a boyfriend and am quite happy being a single parent for now.

I do enjoy making my own decisions without interference and cannot see how a boyfriend would necessarily enhance my life ...!