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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Paternal grandparents have gone behind my back and told my toddler about her dad.

13 replies

fif83 · 12/01/2014 02:11

I found out I was pregnant after breaking up with a guy. I was single until my d was 1. I contacted my d's grandparents as I wanted them in her life. She has never met their son (her biological dad) I have been with my partner a couple of years now and she knows him as dad. On her bday, the paternal grandparents without warning told her she had 2 dad's (and a brother) and that my partner was not her real dad at all. Furthermore when confronted they were not sorry and have told me that they will not lie to her. I don't know what to do. I do not trust them to see her alone anymore and I am beyond annoyed, it was for us to tell her when we felt the time was right. My daughter is confused. She is far too young to know. Has anyone else been through this? I don't want to stop them from seeing her but I don't feel I can trust them as they have as good as said they won't stop telling her stuff!

OP posts:

NatashaBee · 12/01/2014 02:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

holidaysarenice · 12/01/2014 02:21

I would be raging.

Had they even discussed with you that they felt she should know?

I'd be telling/reassuring dd that her daddy, your dp loves her.

Any man can be a father but not a daddy.
What age is she? Young enough to put it out of her head or to forget? Or old enough to understand ur reasoning?

fuzzywuzzy · 12/01/2014 02:21

I don't understand why you thought the paternal grandparents would keep it a secret, it's in their interest surely to tell her how she is related to them.

If you didn't want her to know yet you shouldn't have let them have unsupervised contact.

They've told her now, they have stated they aren't sorry and clearly want her to know more.

What are you looking for? Short of gagging them during contact visits they won't stop, they've told you so themselves.

DioneTheDiabolist · 12/01/2014 02:29

OP, it's not like they told their GC a lie. They told them about their connection. They told your DC the truth.

How come you're pissed off?

MoominsYonisAreScary · 12/01/2014 02:37

It wasnt their decision to make, how confusing that must have been for her

hollyisalovelyname · 12/01/2014 08:38

What did your dd think the connection / relationship to them was?
Has your dp's parents any input in your dd's life?

Bloodyteenagers · 12/01/2014 08:41

She isnt a toddler.
She has the right to know.
When was you going to tell her the truth?

procrastinatingagain · 12/01/2014 08:48

She needed to know. The beat way is to tell her from the start, so she always knows, then it isn't a massive revelation when she gets older. If you keep it secret from her, it turns or into an unnecessarily big deal.

BlackeyedShepherdswatchsheep · 12/01/2014 16:21

telling her from the start is best so it is not a shock later. I can't understand why you think they would not tell her.

starlight1234 · 12/01/2014 20:03

I think she did need to know sooner rather than later though I think them talking to he about it without talking to you, is not right and on her birthday doesn't help anything...

Can I ask why he doesn't see DD?

I would be furious too but need to figure your way forward with this.

I also agree with previous poster lieklyhood was if you didn't tell her GP would of done...

Isetan · 15/01/2014 19:23

I don't get your logic here, you thought they had a right to have contact with her but your DD didn't have a right to know who they were. They shouldn't have told her because you should have.

Isetan · 15/01/2014 19:27

I'm afraid you are the architect of this mess. It was wrong of you to think they would keep their mouths shut indefinately.

revealall · 16/01/2014 21:07

I don't understand why you couldn't be honest from the start either?

She has a good family set up on both sides by the sounds of it. When on earth was "the time going to be right" to explain that your boyfriend wasn't her father or who the grandparents were?

I think they have done you a massive favour. She'll be confused for 5 minutes tops because her social norms are whatever you choose.
Plenty of men walk because they don't want to be a family with the mother of their child.It's not a reflection on the child who never knew him and it's up to you to stress this fact.Why would you want to make it "a secret" implying there is something wrong?

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