Are there any good books on specific divorced parenting skills?

[pyjamasatlunch]

I have been a single parent for about two years now. We are at the stage where we have survived the plane crash ending to our traditional family and my daughter and I are feeling proud of our achievements and feel like strong female literature characters most of the time (YAY!!!). Recently I have noticed little things popping up in my daughter's behaviour that I am not confident in guiding her with and it makes me realise that I probably need to hone particular skills that coming from a two parent family myself I never had modelled to me so naturally am not familiar with. Have you read any good, wholesome (rather than trashy or terribly high-brow) and sensible books on this subject that you would recommend? TIA

A needy bump

Not quite sure what the set up is with your ex but Mum's House Dad's House is good for getting your head round a two home family set up and seeing it positively

Oh yes - I just looked it up at my local lovely bookshop on amazon and it looks like a good starting point! I have an addicive need for-- like the positive language used. Thank you purpleroses

Gah! I haven't been on mn for a while and am out of practice with crossing out!

I found this one invaluable, wonderful neutral advice for both parents: www.amazon.co.uk/Putting-Children-First-Handbook-Separated/dp/0749928042/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1389480431&sr=8-1&keywords=Putting+the+children+first

I think that one of the more difficult things about rising a child after divorce is not to let our guilt or protectiveness cloud our judgement when taking decisions about our children. I have not read a book in a subject but I have found it very enlightening to ask myself the question "what I would say if his dad and I were still together" every time DS asks/demands something I was not expecting.

Hi MeMySonandI ! Thanks - I saw that one on my browse and was put off by the preachy title. Goes to prove - never judge a book by the title... I will check it out.

For me, I feel that my daughter's experiences and thus perpective is different because her Father and I are no longer together. So I am having to guide her in things I never would have had to if we were together e.g How to deal with not getting on with one of Daddy's girlfriend's son, how to acknowledge and move on from bad things she witnessed, how to ensure she sees boundaries between her and my life without feeing excluded... etc Does that make sense?

Two little things made me worry: 1) She has started insisting sometimes very emotionally on taking something with her when we leave the house. Her Aunty happened to give her a sweet little handbag for Christmas that is making this easier to manage but I feel the reason behind needing to take something is much deeper. 2) I was given some very posh lipstick for Chistmas. Dd was beside herself because I wouldn't share it with her. Even after I talked about appropriate things for girls and ladies and about her having her turn one day and right now she should enjoy all the loveliness of being a girl.... but she still couldn't see my point... hmmmm....

There will be many times when they will not see your point, they will need just to accept it. This apply to any children, be it from divorced parents or not.

My son had a bad time at the hands of his dad's new partner and the usual problems that step siblings go through after the novelty wears off. I have found out that equality in the rules, privileges and restrictions for both children is the key. As long as both have the same rules and feel equally loved things should be fine, obviously that wouldn't stop the usual squabbles that happen between siblings (or step siblings), so don't overcompensate for the fact that her parents are divorced, if you weren't and she had a brother, they will need to work the differences between themselves and put up with each other from time to time.

If taking something with her when she goes out makes her feel better, just let her be, she may not need more help than that.

As a divorced parent, I have met a lot of single parents, single mothers, and people in blended families. IMO the children who do better, and seem to be more balanced, are those whose parents are not over protecting them and letting them get their way just because their parents are now separated. Being the children of separated parents is not a disability (unless the the parent makes it so).

Hmmmm - I see your point... maybe now we have survived the big stuff I am stressing over little things that I don't need to worry about to keep me from looking back or panicking about the big things I have to deal with now (getting financially sorted (eeeek), getting an official separation (double eeeek), finding somewhere better to live (dream)etc). I need to be a bit cooler... Thanks Serobin - Can I be really nosy - Why didn't you let your son paint his nails?

From time to time my dd wears nail polish on her toes only. She is tidier than me and paints them different fun colours then removes it carefully before going to her Dads as he disapproves horribly...