go back to your husband....life as a single mum won't improve ?!

[lizzie479]

Hi, a friend who is also a single mum came around today and asked me (even after she knows how miserable I was in an abusive relationship) if I could not see a way of going back to him as life as a single mum with no support does not improve and I could always be on my own......true the kids are wrecking the house, I am tired and poor, and feel like I have lost my mojo....but is giving up and putting up the answer? I do think life is no bed of roses for the kids either as the weight of the work and responsibility gets me down and all to much sometimes and I shout at them for stuff I would not have shouted at them for if I had money in the bank and support in/out of the home. Maybe I'm too proud/stubborn but are those really my options?

No those are not your options. Reach out and ask for support now. Speak to your health visitor or doctor or local children's centre. They can and will help. Do not go back. Believe me I've been in an abusive and violent relationship and am so glad I didn't go back.

(((hugs)))

No: you do not need to "give up and put up"

You need an abuse free existence and - quite simply - more money.

How you get more money (to pay for childcare/rest/relaxation/food/shelter) depends on your personal circumstances but it is not by getting back with an abusive man.

It can and will get better.

work on finding a way to manage life with kids work etc...it is far better than putitng up with abuse; for you and them.

your friend clealry has her own issues ... did her ex leave her for another woman? so it wasnt abuse ?

Thankyou :)

You are right cest la vie, my friend met someone after 6 year s of being a single mum and after a week he broke up with her (just recently). I am not sure why her and her husband broke up...think it was irreconciliable diferences? She feels she will always be alone and that life is a struggle and the kids suffer. I think she feels I am going down the same path, maybe she has regrets?

If you left your husband i'm sure you 'meant it' and had good reasons. At least you're not miserably married, which is worse than being an LP in my opinion! (I'm a lone parent myself with a miserable excuse for an ex and a lovely new DP).

Maybe it is more about her struggle than yours...I have been on my own for 5 years but have to say..My DS and I are very settled, financially we are far better off as all the money is not going on drink and drugs.

I think it is about getting settled in your life..When my Ds was young we did have some support through childrens centre...and it does get easier as they get older

How long ago did you leave Lizzie?

I left twatface and at first it was hard, because fo him actually and all the crap he threw at me and tried to make life hell for me financially (as he couldn't get at my anymore physically).

My DD's are now older and we quickly developed a routine, where we all pitched in and nothing had to be perfect, where we spent and still spend any free time together enjoying eachothers company and relaxing. The only blot in our lives is ex still dragging things out at court, but I think that too is ending soon.

So it does get better, your kids will get older, the pressure will ease, sod the housework and I hope when you're ready you meet a wonderful partner who treats you with the outmost love and respect.

No, no and no again. You sound like you could use some support, but that support most definitely does not need to mean putting up with an abusive partner.

Well done for making the break, life will get better for you & your DCs. It's always worth seeing if you have a local Children's Centre who could offer some support/advice - do you use a nursery at all? Do you have a pre-school child who would be eligible for free hours? Whether you use those hours to work or just to get some child-free thinking time .

Absolutely take any help offered to make things easier for yourself. Good luck, a happier future awaits .