advice on access for baby

[skat73]

Please can you help me as I have frreaked myself out. I have just read that babies should only meet with the parent that doesn't live with them for a few hours regularly and not overnight. Is this right? My second dd is 11 months and my stbxh have been seperated since she was 6 months. We also have a dd who is 5, therefore he has had same access to both of them weds overnight and one night and day each weekend. Is this too much for the 11 month old ? Im worried now that this may cause her some damage. Can you advise?

Some mothers, for whatever reason, only wish to give their ex's the absolute minimum of contact they feel they can legally get away with and will construct child centered reasons to justify this. In the real world its very common for babies to be looked after overnight by a dad. Helps build attachment.

Thank you dark knight. I was thinking of her interests your reply is reassuring

If you've been doing it for five months already, I wouldn't worry about it. I think it's more for if the child hasn't spent much time apart from the main carer before. Nothing to do with "some mothers" only wishing to give the minimum.

Building a bond with Dad isn't a bad thing..Children do need to feel secure....It sounds like access is working well for you and your children so don't worry about norms

Think that advice is for a baby/toddler that's not used to spending time alone with the NRP.
The fact that both siblings are their together helps.
No harm done

My Dd started overnights with her dad when she was 9 months. She was always with DS who was 4 at the time, which helped her I think. She has always been fine with it and now aged 10y enjoys a good relationship with both parents (as well as a close one with DS).
Having a night off one night a week was wonderful for me too at that age and helped me enjoy the rest of the time with the DC much more.
My ex had to learn to manage her at night too which was good for him too I think.

Do you think I should go down to one night a week? Obviously she could see her daddy the other night as normal. I want to do what's right for her or maybe I should stick to what is currently in place. Its hard to know what to do for the best.

No. If what you're doing is working then stick with it.
You're already doing just one night at a time - frequent and not too long contact - which is exactly what is recommended for v young children. As another poster said, the thing about not doing overnights is based on parents who've been fighting things through the courts so the baby's had a period with v little contact with the dad and needs to work up gradually, or possibly if nightime breastfeeding make things tricky.

If you look online I think a lot of the advice you see is based on cases that go to court/mediation where there's a lot of conflict. If your DD2 seems ok about your current pattern of care then there's no reason to change.

My DD has grown into a happy and self-sufficient 10 year old who looked on baffled at other kids in her class getting anxoius about a school residential recently.

And life is a lot simpler for everyone (your DD2 included) if you have the same contact pattern for both DC. She'd most likely be confused if half the times her dad turns up he only collects DD1.

Can I ask is it just what you have read on the net that has worried you? The same as all marriages are different all seperations are too...

I would think you would cause more damage confusion and damage changing something that is working for all of you for no reason that what others online seem to be doing.

Another point I would like to make is the people who have just sorted out contact together and is all friendly and everyone is reasonable and the DC interests are put first by all parties don't tend to post online.