Dd wants to live with dad.. Crushed!!

[rainbowfeet]

Ouch.. Doesn't it hurt when they say that!!..
Dd is 10.5 & no major rows other than an ongoing one (for last 5 years ) about how untidy she is!!.. Room always a tip & she doesn't look after any processions or clothes..
Came to a head this morning because apparently I treat her & ds (2 yrs & half sibling) differently & he gets fussed over.. I said it's not fuss it's what he needs as he is not as independent as you.. She claims I'm horrible & she wants to live with her dad!!

I think what hurts more is I put my life on hold for the dc's .. No partner, everything I do is for them, I go without so they can have stuff, they are my every thought my every breath yet it still isn't good enough!!

What's worse is she is the same level drama queen as me & not even a teenager yet.. Give me strength to get through the oncoming years of hell!!

Then let her - if she's used to a Disney dad who's great to her, it'll be good for her to find out that he will also moan at the state on her room and her breaking stuff.

Maybe knowing she can go is all she actually needs. I'm a single parent and have told my son that if he thinks his dad is so wonderful to go and live with him. He was shocked and said he couldn't live without me. He's 15.

a ten year old is not going to appreciate what you do/did for her is she? i had no idea what parents did for me til i had kids myself.... and no one wants to ehar a prent say "i did this for you, poor me..."

let her go . let her spend time with dad. tell her she will spend every other weekend with you. and after school tea on thursdays. let her go. tell her you will always be there for her and her room is hers when she wants it.

and...think about doing something for you too. it isnt really healthy to be doing every single thingfor your DC . and no plans for you. they WILL grow up one day. what then?

Thank you for replies.. We've had a nice day today so feeling much better.
I happen to think she is old enough to understand what I do for her & how tough life can be for me at times & that the constant responsibility of being a full time parent means I can't be as carefree as her Dad!!
He lives 80 miles away so it's not as easy as her staying with him for a while..

My DD is a very similar age this is one of her top ways of wounding me when she feels she has been treated unjustly.
Recently when she was treating me really badly I called her bluff ' clearly you think I am doing a really terrible job so you should go and live with Daddy' she wailed and cried. Now Daddy has lost his driving licence (whole other story) and will be unable to take her to school so contact has been reduced to EOW, this she accepted in a breezy happy manner.

I had this,my ds wrote me a letter saying,don't cry mum but i want to go and live with my dad etc...

Crushed is the exact words i would use to descibe how i felt.

His dad didn't want him though.

I would have let him go however much it broke me inside but it didn't come to that this time,it did with my other two,you have to let them go and experience that grass that they feel may be greener x

I said the same thing to my Mum and she called my bluff. After 3 weeks at my Dads, I went back to my Mums and stayed there (until I was 26!).

Hopefully this will blow over for you both.

First off, I think you should take this as a wake up call. You need to build up your own life...you won't be a mum for ever. Being a happy parent with things going on is not a bad thing, for you or your dtr. She should not be 'your world'. All children grew up...when that happens you need to have a life of your own.

Secondly, I find it dispiriting that living with dad is seen as such a negative. Maybe as good a parent as you are, the kid needs more time with her father and agreeing shared care is the best way forward.