books to help me and toddler dd through breakup?

[twolittlemice]

So I don't think I'm handling my lovely Christmas break-up all that well as far as 1yo dd is concerned, and I want to do better. Has anyone read anything that has helped them manage a break-up / newly single parenting better? Practical tips type books or psychology, whatever was helpful - I dunno, should I be talking about him to her? (I mean in a positive way, obviously) Should we have his photo on the wall? How do we stop yelling and start co-parenting - basic stuff like that really.

It will get easier but it takes time. My DD was 2 when we split up. I tried to keep the negative stuff away from her as much as possible - not talking about stuff in front of her (even on the phone); not crying in front of her, that kind of thing.

I put a picture of her with her dad on her bedroom wall, even though I found it hard seeing it at first. It helped me to remember that I chose to have her with him, and that it wasn't her fault that it didn't work out. (8 years on, we are on good terms and she has a good relationship with him, but it wasn't always like that!).

I have always talked to her about him, and told her positive things we did together before we split up.

I found this book quite helpful as it is based on real parents' comments, who have been in the same situation:

www.amazon.co.uk/Wheres-Daddy-Jill-Curtis/dp/0747521816

I think that when a child is really young the main thing is to keep things calm and try to limit their exposure to the negative stuff. In the long-term they are spared a lot of the anguish as they don't remember things ever being different.

Good luck!

It does get easier. I was lucky that I left before the children had any attachment to him, but it was hard answering other people's questions, never mind the childrens.

One book that really helped me was "a woman in your own right" by anne dickson. It was a book about the difference between ego and self-esteem and the effect of our deficits on our assertiveness. I found it really gave a label to something that had been festering in my head for years. She also went over our rights, as women! as the book is aimed at women, but as people. I found that it was useful to see it there in print "I have the right to make a mistake". That helped me. The self-esteem part of the book helped me understand why I'd put up with an entitled Taker for too long.

ps, if your daughter is only one, don't torture yourself by talking to her about him!

Just take care of her as you would. One loving parent is enough, and in time, she will ask questions as they occur to her. Don't build "Daddy" up to be some God-like creature. Let her decide in her own time how highly she regards him, and she will decide on her own!

group sessions for divorced and seaprated can be really helpful or ask gp to refer you to nhs cousnelling for the six sessions they give you .

dont go out of your way to talk about him - if she mentions follow her lead.
how to talk is sgood for when she bit older [[
www.amazon.co.uk/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1848123094]]

mine are a lot older (8 and 6) but I've left all but our wedding photos up. I will start to take ones down if their dad but subtlety and give them to him or put in their room. they too have a photo of me in their room at his house. just try to be civil in front of her. I think it helps if dcs can see you can still hold a conversation even if you are screaming inside. its all very dependant though I think on why and how break up has happened as that can change so much.

good luck.

mum and dad glue (book) would be good if she needed it when she was aged 3+ I would say .

I left ExH when DS was 10 months old...to be honest I found him very excepting of whatever happened...We fled to refuge he settled there then 5 months later settled there too...

She is too young to understand so a lot so I would say very little..She will just accept whatever you say...

As for you..It is very new and very raw..Pour your feelings out here, with friends family..She may well pick up on your emotions ...Try and distract yourself with her..they are a great distravtion at that age

Sorry I forgot to come back - thanks for the advice all. I generally like to read something when I am facing something new in life when my instincts are failing me.